


Nanny McPhee AU

by Lady_Anon_x



Category: Kingsman (Movies), Nanny McPhee (2005)
Genre: Children, Everyone talks to a chair, Hartwin, M/M, Nanny McPhee AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Anon_x/pseuds/Lady_Anon_x
Summary: Mr Hart's children are... in one word, a nightmare. That was the 17th nanny and the agency will not send him any more.Can Mr Hart cope with the looming threat of having his children taken away from him and possibly find love at the same time?The person he needs is Nanny McPhee.





	1. No Nannies and No Supper

“Eggsy... lad, where's me chicken?” Eggsy stopped peeling and stared at the older man crouching at the oven, his face instantly paled. “Th-The chicken?” he stuttered. A thunderous scream emerged from upstairs, interrupting any continuation of the conversation. Eggsy instantly dropped the knife and potato and ran out of the kitchen, Merlin shouted after him, “You keep 'em out of this kitchen!” Eggsy wiped his hands on his apron as he ran up the stairs two at a time and as he reached the main floor he saw the newest nanny running out of the front door screaming her head off. Eggsy couldn't hear anything coming from upstairs which is never, ever, a good sign, he took off up the stairs to the playroom. He ran into the room to see all the children eating... chicken, he cleared his throat and all the children looked up at him, well all except one. “Um.. where's Daisy?” A muffled gurgling sound came from the chicken pot from the middle of the table. Eggsy just sighed and walked towards the table, he closed his eyes as he lifted the lid, with these kids you don't know what they could have done. He opens his eyes to see Daisy lying amongst the cabbage and gravy, “Oh Dais-” he picked her up from the pot “-you're a right mess.” She threw a piece of cabbage into Eggsy's hair and rubbed gravy onto his cheek, giggling in response.

He looked at the older children, “What on Earth were yous doing?! Actually, please don' tell me.” He sighed again, he knew that the children just acted out to get their fathers attention but really, they take it too far sometimes. The oldest girl Roxanne spoke up first, “I told them not to!” Eric shouted next “It wasn't my idea.” and of course the eldest, Simon, “Don't look at me Eggsy, it's not my fault!” Eggsy wiped some of the gravy off Daisy with the bottom of his apron “I can bet tha' Nanny Whetstone is on her way to the tailors right now to talk to your father. He'll be bursting through that door any minute now, so I'm going to wash Daisy and can you lot please clean up a bit in here?” Surprisingly the children got up and threw all their chicken back into the pot, apart from Mr Hart the children listened to him and he had no idea why.

Eggsy took Daisy into the bathroom and ran a quick small bath for the smallest Hart. Gently prying the silver rattle from the girls hands, he set it into the sink to wash after. “Now then Miss Daisy, let's get you washed a'right?” Daisy happily gurgled at him and clapped her hands at him, making Eggsy smile. He gently washed her fair hair and took her out of the bath again, he hooked another nappy onto her and put her into her nightdress. As he was washing her rattle in the sink he heart a rush of footsteps come up the stairs. _Oh dear_. Eggsy gave Daisy the fresh rattle and walked down the hall entering the room at the right time it seems.

Mr Hart was standing in the doorway slowly entering the room, his chest was heaving and he was slightly breathless. “Children, where's Daisy?” Eggsy walked into the room behind him, “She's right here Mr Hart.” Mr Hart turns and stares at Daisy and then at Eggsy. Mr Hart smiles and takes Daisy from Eggsy's arms. “Ah, um, thank you Eggsy.” he rests Daisy against his side and takes a proper look at Eggsy, “You're, um, a bit cabbagey, and gravy-ey” Eggsy looks down at himself and is in shock, his apron is covered in gravy and bits of vegetable. “Oh um, excuse me.” He legs it out of the room and hurries down to the servants quarter. He goes into the small bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. “Oh you're bloody jokin'!” He picks the bits of cabbage out of his hair, “That's embarrassing.” he mutters to himself, he takes off his apron and gives it a quick rub with his wash cloth and puts it back on again, tying it at the back as he makes his way downstairs to help Merlin in the kitchen.

oOo

Harry watches Eggsy almost run out of the room before turning around to his children who have stayed silent, staring at him with wide eyes. He gives Daisy to his oldest daughter before standing in the doorway again. “Now, as was your intention Nanny Whetstone will not be returning as she has resigned.” He looks at them all sternly “I will go the agency and I shall hire a new nanny and you will not drive her away as you have done the others. Understood?” He walks straight out of the room and downstairs to sit in his office.  
He all but threw himself into his desk chair before putting his head in his hands. He had such high hopes for Nanny Whetstone, she had been the toughest nanny the agency had. Harry sighed and grabbed his jacket from the rack, he needed to get his stuff he left at the tailors anyway. As he walked out of his office he bumped into Eggsy who was running up the stairs, “Oh I'm so sorry Mr Hart I wasn' lookin' where I was goin'.” Harry smiled, “It's quite alright, Eggsy.” Eggsy had begun to walk down the other set of stairs when he called out to him, “Oh Eggsy...” Eggsy turned on the step, “Yes, Mr Hart?” “Could you please tell Merlin that the new nanny has had to leave. I am on my way to the agency.” Eggsy nodded, “Of course Mr Hart.” he then quickly walked down the stairs and disappeared out of view, completely oblivious to Harry Hart staring at him until he was gone.  
Harry Hart made his way down the small steps to the nanny agency and knocked on the door. “Mrs Ackley?” The sign was changed from 'Open' to 'Closed' “We're closed.” said a woman from inside, “There's been a small misunderstanding.” The shutters came down on all the windows, “Go away. There's no more nannies! That's the lot!” Harry slumps against the brick wall, _Bugger_ , as he turns to walk back up the steps he hears squeaking behind him. He turns around to see the letter box open, “Is.. is that you, Mrs Ackley?” he walks closer to the door.

“The person you need it Nanny McPhee.”

He sighs in relief, “Great, I need her to start right away! I'm late for a fitting.” He thought it quite mad talking through a letter box.

“Nanny McPhee is not on our books. Nanny McPhee is not on anyone's books.”

The letter box snaps closed again and Harry is utterly confused, he knew he wouldn't be going any further with talking to a letterbox. He looked up at the clock tower and thought that by now James or Percival would have taken his client by now. He sighed in defeat and began the walk home.

oOo

Eggsy walked into the kitchen and began washing his hands, “Nanny Whetstone's gone.” he told Merlin. Merlin just scoffed as he began chopping the vegetables, “Well isn' that a surprise. Now hurry up Eggsy, those spuds ain't gonna peel 'emselves.” Eggsy walked back over his station that he had rushed away from and picked up his discarded knife and potato, “Mr Hart's gone to the agency. I said the children'll be fine wif us.” Merlin snorted again, “They won't be fine with me lad. I ain't havin 'em in my kitchen and that's the end of it. I have it-” “In writing. I know Merlin.” interrupted Eggsy. Merlin shook the envelope at Eggsy for emphasis, “In writing, Eggsy!” Eggsy laughed picking up the next potato, “They're the worstest, nastiest, horriblest little-, It'll be snowing in August before them kids are straightened out.” Eggsy protested, “They ain' so bad, Merlin.” Merlin gave him a stern stare over the top of his glasses, “I don't know how you have such a soft spot for them lad, I really don't.” Eggsy sighed, he felt like he does a lot of that lately, “They aren't bad kids Merlin, they just, just...” Merlin stopped and gently coaxed him, “Just..” Eggsy stopped working and turned to Merlin, “They just need love, they need-” “You?” Merlin interrupted, Eggsy spluttered, “Me? Wha- no not me Merlin, that's not what I mean...”  
Yes, Merlin was blind enough to wear glasses, but he wasn't blind enough to see the blush rising on Eggsy's face. So he smiled his all knowing smile and kept his thoughts to himself.

oOo

The 7 children were all sitting in a semi circle, Simon had opened the cupboard and looked at the chart. “Let's see, 3 days, 8 hours and 37 minutes, that means we got rid of her...um 2 days and 18 minutes quicker than the last one. I think the turning point was definitely eating Daisy. Nice job Eric.” The small ginger boy puffed out his chest at that. “Thank you.” As their chatting went on they were all startled by their father walking into their room, “That's the final straw. There are no more nannies, none. All over, finished. I had to miss a client which has caused trouble in the tailors.” He sighed and knew the excuses would start soon. He saw Roxy open her mouth so he put his hand up. “Well, you all seem intent on distressing me so now I'm going to distress you. You are all to.. to go to bed, immediately.” The youngest boy Sebastian spoke up “Before supper?” Harry went to the door and turned to look at them, “Without supper.” He left the room closing the door firmly behind him.  
Sebastian looked at all the others in shock, “Did he say 'without supper'?” Simon stood up and looked at them all, “Never mind that,” he said smiling. “There's no more nannies.” Eric smiled and decided to celebrate by getting out his guillotine. While Chrissie wasn't looking he grabbed her teddy, Roxy shouted at him to give it back to her, “Stop it, Eric!” she shouted over Chrissie's screaming. He jumped on top of the table and put the teddies head in the gap, he untied the rope and watched the blade come down and chop of the bears head. “Eric! Eric that's my teddy!” She then ran at him and started hitting him, Roxy stood up and yelled, “Eric stop doing this!” Liliana was sitting up on the rocking chair and shouted, “Stop fighting!”

Eggsy had been lying on his bed, looking over the red book in his hands, Lili gave it to him one day when she caught him admiring the pictures in it. He had tried to decline but Liliana insisted, the only problem was... Eggsy couldn't read. Lili and Roxy offered to teach him in his spare time, they threatened to cry if he said no, so when he finished his duties he would read until he came to a word he didn't know, which has just happened. He had tried to sound it out but it wasn't helping so he tucked his book into his apron pocket beside his box of matches and pulled his shoes back on and headed up the 2 flights of stairs. The ruckus coming from the children's room was deafening, he walked in to find Lili dancing with the head of a teddy and Roxy shouting at Eric who was being hit by Chrissie with Sebastian was playing the piano with a spoon and what looked like baby food.

“Oi you lot!” No one seemed to have heard him, “QUIET!” He took the spoon off Sebastian and the teddy off Lili. “You are driving your poor father to distraction.” He came between Eric and Chrissie, “Stop it.” He lifted Chrissie up onto his knee, “Girls,” Eggsy reached into his apron for the book and opened it at his marked page, “What's this word?” Roxy and Lili leaned over the book, “Lovingly. 'He took her lovingly by the hand.'” Roxy explains. Simon comes over slowly, “What's your book about Eggsy?” Lili excitingly jumped into the storyline of the book. “It's about the daughter of a nice man, who remarries and the stepmother is horrid to her.” Eggsy shifts with Chrissie on his lap and she wraps her arms around his arm that's around her waist. “Why doesn't the man stop her from being horrid?” He questions. Simon stands up straight and heads over to the window, “Fathers all turn bad once their wives die. They just... don't care any more.” Eggsy just stares at his back, “Simon, yours does.” He whips around to face Eggsy, “No he doesn't. Does he read to Chrissie like he used to? Or play cricket with us like he used to? He doesn't even sing lullabies to Daisy any more, We hardly see him!” Eggsy feels bad for all the kids, “He loves you Simon, all of you, you know that. He's.. he's just had a lot on his mind since...” “Since mother died.” Eggsy gently pushes Chrissie off his lap and walks over to Simon, he brushes his hair with his fingers, “Yous used to be as close as anythin'.” Simon huffed, “Not any more. All he cares about now is getting himself a nice new wife.” he sneered, pushing Eggsy's hand off his head. Eggsy went back over to where he was sitting. He had heard that Mr Hart was looking for a new wife, Merlin was telling him all about it after he had been talking to James and Percival from the tailor shop when he went to the market last week. “Well... I don't know if that's true of not, but it might be nice to have a new mother.” Lili scoffed, “Don't you know _anything_ about the world Eggsy? Whoever he marries will be vile and treat us like slaves!” Eggsy stared at them in shock, “You don' know that.” _I wouldn't do that_. Eric came forward with a big book of fairytales, “Plenty of hard evidence for it, there isn't one stepmother in there who's even halfway decent. Stepmothers are an evil breed.” He shrugged and pushed his glasses up his nose, “Anyway who ever likes other people's children?” Eggsy's reply was almost instant, “I like you.” Eric climbed on top of the table and fiddled about with his guillotine, “Yes, but you're a servant. You're paid to like us. That doesn't count.” Eggsy felt like he had just been punched in the gut. Finding out that your love doesn't count in the eyes of these children hurts, immensely. Eggsy grabs the book and stands up quickly and heads towards the door, he tried hard but his voice broke when he spoke, “Well, I've got work to be getting' on wif. You lot should be in bed.”

When Eggsy left the room, Sebastian followed, Roxy grabbed the nearest item and hit Eric over the head with it. “What is wrong with you!? Could you not tell you just hurt his feelings?!” Lili spoke up as well, “Eggsy has been nothing but kind to us Eric, that just was not nice.” Eric just shrugged and the room was quiet until Sebastian came back in humming happily.

Eggsy reaches the bottom of the stairs and stops, his hand on the railing, he shouldn't have let his feelings come out like that. He did love these kids more than anything, he quite liked Mr Hart too, but it's wrong to think of it any farther than that. _He's an educated man and I'm his... servant, it's improper_. He took a few more moments to compose himself before he headed to Mr Hart's office, he knocked and when he didn't receive a reply. He quietly opened the door and walked in gently, Mr Hart was collapsed over his newspaper fast asleep, Eggsy smiled. _He's been awful tired lately, he needed to sleep_ , he thought. He walked over to the fire and took the logs out of the basket beside the hearth and took out his box of matches, he quickly lit the fire and stood up. When he turned he jumped slightly because Mr Hart had woken and was staring at him. Eggsy walked moved to the side of Mr Harts chair and began fixing it, “Should I plump Mrs Harts cushion? I know how you like to plump it yourself sometimes.” Harry just shook his head, “No, no that's fine Eggsy. You plump away.” He smiled. Eggsy returned his smile and began to fix the green cushion on Mrs Harts chair, _He misses you a lot ma'am, we all do_. Mr Hart isn't the only one who likes to talk to Mrs Harts chair. Eggsy will come in sometimes when Mr Hart is at work and will talk to Mrs Hart for a good half hour. He's even told her about his... infatuation with her husband... well... widowed husband.

Eggsy stood in front of Mr Hart's desk, “I was wondering if I may make Master Sebastian a piece of secret toast?” Mr Hart smiled for a second, “Yes, um no actually no no. The rest will hear him eating and then we're done for.” Eggsy nods, “Of course Mr Hart.” he walked over to the door, “If that's all Mr Hart, I'll be heading to bed.” Harry shook his head “No, that's everything, thank you Eggsy for all you did today. I don't know what I'd do without you.” Eggsy began to blush, _I don't know what I would do without you either_. “Goodnight, Eggsy.” Mar Hart smiled at him, “Goodnight, Mr Hart.” Eggsy returned the smile before leaving the room as quietly as he entered. He needed two thing now, his bed... and possibly a very cold bath.


	2. The Arrival of Nanny McPhee

Harry Hart sat in his usual chair, facing the pink chair that used to seat his wife. He sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Well, love, they've managed to drive away all of the nannies. What am I going to do? Your uncle Arthur says the children are out of control, something about needing a female influence.” He sighed thinking to himself, “They need someone firm, but not awful, someone who cares for them and loves them undoubtedly but won't take any nonsense. Someone like-” _Eggsy._ “But darling you know your uncle, he'll stop the allowance unless I remarry, within in the month, can you believe it?” He stands and moves to the back of the pink chair, resting his hands on the back, feeling the fabric. “It's... unbearable, but I-I- Oh darling I had to promise.” He moved back and sank into his own chair again, “Remember when we talked about what would happen without his money? The bank would take the house, debtors' prison for me and... the workhouse for Simon, Roxy, Lili and Eric. God only knows what will happen to little Chrissie and Sebastian.” He could feel the tears stinging at his eyes, “Love, what would happen to little Daisy? Merlin will have to cook for a new family and Eggsy... Eggsy.” He smiled, “You loved Eggsy darling. You were always gossiping to him about other women in town, you didn't care for what was proper.” He sighs, “Forgive me, my darling. I just don't know what to do.” He leaned his head back and focused on his breathing and in a few minutes Mr Hart fell asleep listening to the crackling of the fire.

“The person you need is Nanny McPhee.”

oOo

Merlin was sat quite contently in the kitchen, he was leaning back on his chair and his feet perched on an upturned bucket. He sighed in delight “No supper. Discipline, finally.” The young lad was in bed which gave Merlin time to sit back, have a quiet cuppa and just relax. He had started to nod off when he heard the whirring of wheels and squeaking, his eyes snapped open as he looked around the kitchen in a panic. It must be a bad dream, Mr Hart gave him a contract that those kids wouldn't enter this kitchen. Not now, not _ever_! He has it **in writing**! The squeaking continued and went under Merlin's chair, he stood up instantly hand reaching into his pocket for the creased envelope. “Listen here you hallions, yous aren't allowed in this kitchen,” He shook the envelope in the air, his voice wavering slightly, “I have it in writing.”  
He shoved the envelope into his pocket and skidded over to the counter and lifted up a pan, he held it out in front of him and kept his back to the wall, “A'right, where are you little runts?! I'm ready for yo-” He felt a sharp pain on the back of his head before blackness took over him.

Eggsy had come from his bath feeling refreshed, he pulled on his clean trousers and put on his night shirt, which was really just a really old button up with a few holes but Mr Hart had mended it for him one day and he didn't have the heart to throw it away after that. He slid onto his bed and wrapped himself in the blanket, taking his book off the small table by his bed and opened at his page, he took a deep breath and read aloud. “Oh- on- onss?” “ _No Eggsy, this word sounds like there is a W at the beginning and a snake at the end, sound it out with me.” Roxy had told him_... “Wh-on-sss, once ap-on a t-t ” he didn't get much further before he heard a large crash come from the other side of the house. He startled from his position and dropped his book on the floor, “No. No, no, no,n no, no!” He gets tangled in his blanket while trying to get up, landing himself on the floor, banging his head on the table leg. “Bugger!” The crashes and shouting gets louder, Eggsy grabs his shoes and slips them on and runs out of his room, he pales instantly as he realises the sounds are coming from his level, he runs down the corridor and around the corner and looks through the window to the kitchen.

The children have gone completely bonkers! He sees Merlin tied to the table, Eric below him making...another...bomb... Liliana and Chrissie are working together to try and throw stuff into a steaming pot. Roxy is taking the clean socks off of the line and is throwing them to Simon who is stirring the big pot. He watches as Chrissie puts the tea set into the basket shouting at Liliana to jump from her stool, the pots and plates go everywhere and one hits a table near the window where Eggsy is hiding. He flinches back and runs up the stairs to get Mr Hart. He'll know what to do.

As he reaches the top of the stairs and is about to open the door to Mr Harts study when the door opens and Mr Hart almost runs into him. “They're in the kitchen!” he gasps. Mr Hart moves past Eggsy, “No! No. Don't tell me you took them down for toast!” he yells at Eggsy. Eggsy is hurt that Mr Hart would even insinuate that Eggsy would go against his orders. So he runs after him, “I never did! You sent 'em to bed with no dinner. That's whats done it!” he yells back. Mr Hart turns around to him, “Don't tell me...” He was interrupted by a bang at the door, there was a persons silhouette in the window of the door. Thunder clapped above them as the lights flickered. Eggsy unintentionally moved closer to Mr Hart who had placed a hand to his lower back. He looked up to Mr Hart, “Should I um...” “Why don't you...” Eggsy pointed to the door, “I can...” The lights kept flickering, “No um, you just..” Eggsy looked at the silhouette and decided it would be best for Mr Hart to handle it, “I'll be downstairs, sir.” He ran back downstairs as Mr Hart slowly made his way to the door.

When he opens the door he is greeted by a woman in all black with very... distinctive features. “Good evening Mr Hart, I am Nanny McPhee.” Mr Hart gasps, “Oh you're.. yes.. um, of course.” He stares at her for a moment, “The agency um..” She blinks at him, “I am not with any agency Mr Hart, I am a government nanny.” Mr Hart is dumbfounded, “May I come in?” Mr Hart snaps to attention, “Of course, yes, how rude of me, please come in.” He closes the door behind her as she walks up the corridor, “It has come to my attention that you have extremely ill-behaved children, Mr Hart.” She stops in the middle of the floor and looks at him. “No no, heavens no, what a suggestion, they're-” a loud shatter comes from the kitchen. “Playful.”

“What are your main concerns Mr Hart?” He furrows his brows in confusion, “Concerns?” Nanny McPhee hums lightly, “Yes, do they go to bed when they are told?” It doesn't take long for Harry to think over this, “Well, er.. not- No.”  
“Do they get up when they are told?” Harry stutters for a moment, “N-not exactly.”  
“Get dressed when they are told?” Harry honestly couldn't say... “That's eh, a good question.”  
“Do they say “please” and “thank you”?” “In what context?”  
Nanny McPhee hums again, “That will do to be going on with. Your children need me.” She moves to make her way down to the kitchen, Harry runs to her side, “Well, I er, should make sure everything is in order before I introduce you.” She gently pushes him back, “I shall introduce myself. Please Mr Hart, go back to your sleep.”

oOo

The children were all enjoying themselves immensely, Chrissie and Lili were making their own stock, Eric was making another bomb, Sebastian was Standing on the table moving the rack of pots and spoons making up most of the noise. Roxy and Simon were working together to make sock mash. The cook was tied to the table being hit with the stray food from Lili and Chrissie's catapult. Simon knew that if they made enough of a racket that even Eggsy wouldn't know what to do with them, so father would have to come down here himself.

Eggsy was still standing at the window in horror, he snapped his head around to the black figure coming down the stairs and he snapped straight up to attention, he looked at the strange woman and Eggsy is never rude... but this woman was horrifying... 2 moles, a tooth coming over her bottom lip, a big nose, and a uni-brow. The woman nodded at him and proceeded to go into the kitchen, he was too shocked to even stop her from going into that hell.

Nanny McPhee enters the kitchen and all the children slow down their movements to look at her. Simon was the first one to speak, “Oh look. The door is open but there's nobody there.” Nanny McPhee looks at the oldest child, “I am here. I am Nanny McPhee.” Simon giggled slightly, “Oh did, did somebody speak?” “I didn't hear anything.” Said Eric who was still stirring his device. Sebastian continued to rock the pots, “That's because there's nobody there.” Nanny McPhee addressed the whole room, “Then listen carefully and try to hear this. You are to stop what you are doing, put the kitchen back the way you found it and go upstairs to bed.” The children all look between each other, “Did you hear what I said?” Simon sneered at Nanny McPhee and grinned at his siblings, “I've just had an idea, why don't we play here in the kitchen, All. Night. Long.” All the children shouted and screamed their agreement and continued to their earlier tasks. Chrissie began to continuously shout “Jump!” to Liliana and the other children laughed as they continued to mess around. Nanny McPhee slowly pulled out a big walking stick and put it in front of her, the older two kids looked at each other. Nanny McPhee raised the stick off the ground as all the children stopped and stared at her, then.

**Bang.**

All of the kids began to move faster than they were before, “What's happening?!”, “She's done something to us!” Eric shouted. As Lili jumped onto the board the potatoes landed in the pot. “They went in the pot!” Roxy began pulling all of the socks off the line and throwing them at Simon whose arms were going 3 times the speed he thought they could. “Something happened when she banged that stick!” Lili jumped onto the board again and the eggs went all over Merlin, Roxy and Simon. “Please Simon let's stop!” Roxy turned to Simon “We've got to stop!” Simon glared daggers at them all, “Well stop if you want to then!” There were noises of protest from the children, “We can't!” Roxy looked over to the bench and saw that Daisy was sitting in her basket, three foods away from being thrown into the basket. “Simon!!” She screamed at him, a terrified look in her eyes. Simon, who had began to sweat with the movement of his arms, “Come on then, whoever you are. Let's stop all this and go to bed!”

Nanny McPhee looked him dead in the eye, “Say “please”.” Simon got angrier, “I _never_ say “please”.” Nanny McPhee turned her back on them, “Very well.” “Please! Please! Please!” The other children cried. Lili shouted at Simon, “Say it!” Eric was almost covered in a green slime, “Actually Simon, would you, this baby's going to blow!” Roxy tried to move but she felt glued to her position, “And Daisy's going to go in the stock pot!” She cried. “Oh for goodness sake! Please, then!” Chrissie was still walking with Daisy in her arms towards the basket. “Roxy! Take her off me!” Nanny McPhee ignored the fiasco, still looking at Simon. “Please, Nanny McPhee.” she corrected. Lili tried her best to not put her feet on the stool. “I can't stop myself! I'm going to jump!” Simon breathed in, “Please, Nanny McPhee.” Eric screamed “TOO LATE!”

Nanny McPhee banged the stick again and in a blink the children were all standing together at the corner of the kitchen, Roxy was holding Daisy on her hip. The entire kitchen was spotless. Nanny McPhee looked at them all, “Up to bed please.” and in a single file the children left the kitchen and went upstairs. Nanny McPhee turned to the table which was now occupied by a slightly confused Eggsy and a very calm Merlin. “Goodnight, Merlin. Goodnight Eggsy.” The two staff turned to her, “Goodnight, Nanny McPhee.”

As Nanny McPhee left the kitchen Eggsy turned to Merlin, “When Mr Hart sent 'em to bed with no supper I thought they would be down 'ere causing a riot.” Eggsy said quietly, Merlin smiled at him and took a sip of tea, “Don't you fret, my lad. They won't dare come in this kitchen, I have it in writing.” He leans back and closes his eyes as Eggsy sits there confused. He was sure there had been something that made him come in here, he rubbed his head and winced as he ran across a small bump on his forehead from where he hit the table. He furrowed his brows and looked towards the door, _Nanny McPhee, eh? Strange woman._

oOo

Roxy, Eric and Daisy were the last ones to use the bathroom, Eric brushed his teeth while Roxy washed Daisy's rattle. “You need to be careful with this Daisy. It's the rattle mama had as a baby. This was all of ours. It's the only thing we have of her.” Daisy gurgled at her while she put the rattle in her mouth. The door clicked open and Simon walked in, “What on earth are you doing?” Eric hung his head, “We're getting ready for bed.” Roxy turned to Simon, “It's what she told us to do.” Simon closed the door behind himself, “And since when do we do what we're told?” Roxy glared at him, “Since we nearly got Eggsy beaten by a tea tray, Merlin blown up and Daisy boiled!” Simon moved forward into the bathroom, “May I remind you we got rid of the last _**17**_ nannies. We're getting rid of this one too.”

All of the children got into their beds, and began arguing.  
“You were the one who made the bomb!”  
“Well you kept putting things into the basket. Including Daisy!”  
“Well Lili was the one jumping!”  
They all froze as Nanny McPhee came around the corner, they all looked at each other and began giggling. She walked further into the room and picked up stray items of clothing off of the floor. “You must feel at such a disadvantage, Nanny McPhee.” Simon said grinning. Nanny McPhee's eyes widened, “Oh? In what way?” Simon and the others kept smirking and giggling, “Well, we know your name, but you don't know ours.” He held out his hand, “Pleased to meet you, I'm Oglington Fartworthy.” the other children laughed, she took his hand which surprised Simon, “How do you do?” She turned as Simon kept talking, “That's F-A-R-T. Fart-worthy.” As Nanny McPhee went through the room they all gave her outrageous and ridiculous names. Nanny McPhee found it to be quite amusing as she looked down at the youngest Hart saying her name was 'Poop Bum' She whispered to her “Goodnight, Daisy.”  
“Goodnight, Sebastian.”  
“Goodnight, Roxanne.”  
“Goodnight, Christiana.”  
“Goodnight, Liliana.”  
“Goodnight, Eric.”  
She stopped in the doorway, “Goodnight, Simon.” She was glad to have their full attention, “Now, there is something you must understand about the way that I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. Quite sad actually but there it is.” She turned to leave when Simon shouted, “We will _never_ want you.”  
“Then I will never go... Goodnight, children.” She turned out the lights as she left them for the night.

The children all sat back up in the dark, “How did she know our names? None of the nannies _ever_ knew our names.” Liliana asked. “Magic!” Cried Sebastian, “Witchcraft.” said Eric. Roxy sighed, “Or maybe Father or Eggsy told her.” “It doesn't matter...” cried Simon, “We're getting rid of her tomorrow.”

oOo

Harry had been dozing off in his chair again when a rush of wind woke him up, he opened his eyes to see Nanny McPhee staring at him which made him jump. “Goodness, um yes, what?” Nanny McPhee gave him a pointed look, “I did knock.” Mr Hart panicked, “No, of course you did, you weren't just sneaking up on me, heavens what a suggestion.” Nanny McPhee hummed again. “The children are all in bed and asleep, Mr Hart.” Mr Hart relaxed, “Oh, good that's- Wait really? Good grief.” Nanny McPhee bowed her head, “I will show myself to my room. Goodnight, Mr Hart.” Harry scrambled up from his chair, “No um Nanny McPhee wait, erm, what do you, I mean um, what are your terms?” Nanny McPhee had stopped at the bottom of the stairs, “Well, Mr Hart, your children require five lessons. Lesson 1: To go to bed when they're told. Is complete. As for my terms Mr Hart, I take Sunday afternoons off. Goodnight.” Harry looked up the stairs after her, “Yes goodnight, Nanny McPhee.”

Harry walked back into his study and sat down on his chair, “Blimey, dear, do you understand what is going on?” he asked to the chair. He sat there with his thoughts a few moments longer before making his way upstairs to bed. Harry was completely unaware that there was still one more person in the house that was awake. Eggsy had been waiting for Mr Hart to go to bed for the past hour, he quietly made his way up the stairs, careful not to step on any of the points that will make it squeak. He checked the main floor before determining that everyone had gone to bed he tiptoed over to Mr Hart's study and opened the door. He walked and sat on the hearth, he wasn't stupid enough to sit in Mr Hart's chair, he would notice.  
He took his book out of his pocket and spoke in hushed tones. “Hello, Mrs Hart. I hope you are very well this evening.” Mrs Hart loved proper speaking etiquette, “It's a beautiful night tonight. No clouds an' the sky is filled with stars and the moon seems to be extra bright tonight, I know how much you loved the clear nights.” He smiled to himself, he and Mrs Hart would sit outside at night when everyone was in bed and just talk about anything and nothing. Mrs Hart was actually the first person he told that he is gay, he was scared she would throw him out but she didn't treat him any different which made him love her even more. “You have the most incredible children, Mrs Hart. Miss Roxanne and Miss Liliana are teaching me to read. I learned this new word today, it's um.. lov-lov-ing- loving, lovingly. They'll make me an educated man yet, Mrs Hart.” He smiled to himself. “Mr Hart is very lonely without you Ma'am. I worry, but it seems improper. A scullion shouldn't have feelings like this... should they?” Eggsy wiped his hands down his face. “I know he has to remarry, I jus'... I wish, I wish uneducated scullions could marry men like Mr Hart.” Eggsy sighed and stood up again, “Goodnight, Mrs Hart.” as Eggsy left the study and made his way back down to his room, he didn't notice the crouched body hiding between the railings on the stairs.

 


	3. Lesson 2: To Get Up When They're Told

It was an early morning in the Hart house, Nanny McPhee stood in the doorway of the sleeping childrens room. “Time to get up.” They all groaned as they woke up, “Mmmph.” Nanny McPhee hummed, “I will give you half an hour to be up, bathed, dressed, teeth cleaned, beds made and out into the garden before breakfast. Your lessons will start at 9, sharp.” She looked around the room making sure they all heard her and then left the room.

Simon sighed, burying his head in the pillow, “I don't know about the rest of you, but I want to stay in bed.” All the children smiled and nodded, Simon sat up, “Sebastian, you get the thermometers under the hot tap, Chrissie get the chalk, Eric, crayons and Lili close over the windows to make it stuffy.” Simon smirked, “I think we have all come down with the measles.” Roxy sat up, “Simon, how do you know she won't do something horrid to us again?” Simon leaned closer and whispered, “Roxy, I worked it out, she's a trained hypnotist. That was how she made us all do that stuff, if we don't look directly at her then she can't hypnotise us.”

The younger children came into the room and they all lined up, Simon and Roxy took the chalk and crayons. Simon rubbed the chalk into his palms and then began to cover Chrissie's face, she kept giggling. “I do love it when we play measles!” shouted Lili. When the children all had white faces Roxy then began to draw red spots onto their faces. “Remember, _don't_ rub your faces or it will smudge.” When they were all done the kids hid the supplies and got back into bed, smiling at their master plan.

oOo

Eggsy had woken a little late due to his late night last night. He cursed himself and rushed to get dressed, he re-tied his shoes and grabbed his apron running upstairs to see if Mr Hart needed anything, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he went. He got to the landing and knocked on his door, “Yes?” called a voice behind the door, he opened it and stepped inside, “Good morning, Mr Hart.” Harry smiled up at him, “Good morning, Eggsy. How are you today?” Eggsy grinned, “Very well, sir, thank you and you?” Harry sighed, “I'm off to work early, we have a big wave of clients in the tailors today. A double funeral I believe, well it is awful news but it does get the money in.” Eggsy frowned, “Poor things.” Eggsy takes the breakfast tray and his hand accidentally brushed against Harrys, he could feel the heat rise in his face as he took the tray and quickly left the room, closing the door tight behind him.

Harry frowned after Eggsy, he turned his head to the pink chair, “How odd, he would normally say “Have a nice day Mr Hart.” or “Don't forget your hat and scarf.” if it's cold outside.” He hummed quietly, “Did he seem very tired to you? There were dark circles under his eyes.” He got lost in thought about the young blonde man with the slightly dark circles under his eyes. When he opened his eyes again he almost jumped out of his skin, Nanny McPhee was staring down at him, “I did knock.” Harry frowned, “Did you? I mustn't have heard, I was just thinking about- er never mind.” He looked at the woman. “I believe the children will all be staying in bed today.” Harry stood up, “The children? What- all day? Are they ill? What's wrong?” a look of worry washing over his face. Nanny McPhee shook her head, “Nothing, believe me Mr Hart, I know exactly what to do, leave it to me.” Harry began to collect his books and letters off the desk, “You managed them spectacularly last night. Um, if they are under the weather, it's best to give them what they want, ice-cream, jelly and the like. My wife... she used to wait on them hand and foot.” He smiled, “Even if they weren't ill at all, but um... now they like it when Eggsy brings them their food when they're ill, he tells them stories.” Nanny McPhee hummed again, “Do not worry, I will be sure to give them exactly what they need.” Harry put on his coat. “Excellent, excellent. I'll be off to work then.” He left the room smiling and headed for the door. “Oh, Mr Hart!” Eggsy shouted running up the stairs, cloth and bucket in hand, “Don' forget your hat and scarf today sir, it's quite cold out.” He smiled at the younger man, “Thank you, Eggsy. Have a lovely day.” He grabbed his top hat and scarf and headed out. “And you, Mr Hart!”

oOo

Chrissie had just gone to the door when she saw Nanny McPhee come into the room, she ran back to her bed shouting “She's coming!” Simon shushed her, “Remember everyone, don't look into her eyes!” Nanny McPhee walked up the steps to their room, “Dear me.” she said, all the children pretended to have blocked noses, “We can' get up. We're ill.” Lili says quietly, Nanny McPhee takes a thermometer from Sebastians hand, it felt the temperature was at 70°C. Nanny McPhee did not ever laugh at children's antics but she almost did today. They certainly got an A for effort. “We thin' it migh' be the measles.” Nanny McPhee's eyes widen in fake surprise, “Goodness me, there is of course no question of you getting up. I'm sorry to say but you all must stay in bed today.” She saw the childrens eyes light up and she hummed, lifting her stick, a dull thud came through the room as it hit the ground and with that she walks out of the room.

The children all begin to giggle as soon as she leaves, but, the laughter dies down quite quickly. Eric could feel his throat getting scratchy, Chrissie's head began to hurt and Lili felt like she had a temperature. “I don't feel well...” murmured Chrissie. “My throat hurts..” coughed Eric. “Don't be daft...” Simon said, however he even began to feel his body start to ache and his skin getting itchy. Roxy tried to get up but couldn't lift her back off the bed. “Simon! Simon I can't get up.” Simon looked over at her, “You must have looked at her then.” Roxy shook her head “I didn't!” Liliana tried to get up next but she couldn't, “I was under the covers the whole time, Simon. I can't get up either!” All the children were kicking their legs in the air as they tried to get up, they could move their heads and their legs but not their torsos. “I'm stuck, too!” Eric turned his head to face Simon, “Hypnosis, huh? Well bang goes _that_ theory.”

oOo

Harry walked into the tailors only to be jumped out at from behind the mannequins, “Morning Mr H!” James and Percival said together. “Good morning, gentlemen.” Harry walked past them into the shop. Percival came up to him and wrapped the measuring tape around his neck, “So tell me, Mr H, why did I have to take _your_ client yesterday?” Harry stuttered, “Well uh, there was a... problem in the house. Children, you know.” Percival and James smiled, “We do know.” Percival said, “We've said it before. Haven't we Percival?” They both spoke in unison, “It's not suits you should be tailoring, it's christening gowns!” They both laughed thunderously. Not long after he walked in, the three men set to work preparing for today's full bookings. “Just excuse me a moment.” Harry said to the them as he entered his office to open a letter he received this morning.

“ _Harry,_  
I will not beat around the bush any longer. You're children are out of control. You need a new wife and your children need a mother! If you do not remarry by the end of the month, steps will have to be taken.   
Arthur.”

“Oh dear... bugger, bugger, buggering-” He inhaled deeply. _The end of the month. That's no time at all._ “There's nothing for it,” he sighed to himself. Harry had an idea of who he may have to marry to keep Arthur happy. He didn't understand why he needed a new wife, he was perfectly happy with the family he has now, his children, Merlin and Eggsy. He smiled fondly as he thought of the young man but frowned again as he looked down at the letter. He squashed down any feelings he was having and sighed, “There's nothing for it, Harry. It'll have to be... _that_ woman.”

He exited his office to find James, “James, do you remember that er... enthusiastic lady? Erm, what was it, Mrs Swiftly?” James' eyes widened, “Mrs Quickly?” Percival walked in with a basket of threads in one hand and fanned himself with his other hand, fluttering his eyelashes, and spoke in a high pitched voice, “Oh, Mr Hart, you are a _saint._ There's a lovely look of kindness about you. What I wouldn't give for a man like you, Mr Hart, in my hour of need.” James laughed, “That one?” asked Percival. Harry blushed, “Erm... yes, that one.” James spoke, “Ah yes, they buried Mr Quickly last autumn. Poor devil.” Percival snorted, “He was happy to go, I say. He was her third.” Harry blanched, “Neither of you know if she.. if she ever, um, remarried? A number four?” They both turned on Harry, James stepped forward, abandoning the needles, “Harry... you're not thinking what I think you're thinking... are you, Harry?” Harry shook his head, “Good grief, no! No, no, no, heavens, no. What a thought. No.” he laughed nervously and decided to go and hide in his office again. Percival and James faced each other with raised eyebrows, “Ooooooooooohh.”

oOo

The children had been lying down for what felt like hours. Roxy felt as though her body was a giant piece of lead. “Thanks a lot, Simon. Now I actually am sick” She sighed. Simon huffed, “You aren't sick Rox, she's hypnotised you or something!” All the children were getting restless, were all starving and were about to start yelling again until Nanny McPhee came into the room holding a big black bottle and 7 spoons. The children could hear a gloopy noise and made them all shift their legs uneasily. “Measles medicine,” she replied, “It is to be administered every hour.” “Um actually... I'm not so sure it is measles.” Sebastian mumbled. Nanny McPhee turned to the children, “How could it be anything else? The chalk-white faces, the awful spots and a temperature over 70 degrees.” She touched Simon's forehead and it sizzled. SIZZLED. “I've seen it time and time again. Measles.”

Nanny McPhee opened the bottle and the gloopy sludgy sound got louder, she poured out the dark black liquid onto a spoon and held it out to Simon. “Open.” Simon stared at her, his eyes wide as dinner plates. “I'm not taking that.” Simon said sternly. “Then you will not get any better. Believe me.” Simon saw her eyes twinkle slightly and looked at the spoon, Nanny McPhee could almost see the gears turning in his head. “It's MOVING!” cried Chrissie as the liquid moved on the spoon. “Open wide... Wider.” The other children whisper, “No, Simon!”, “Don't do it!”

Simon's lips closed around the spoon and he took it into his mouth, he could smell it and instantly began retching, almost spiting it out. “Ew!” Lili exclaimed, “Simon, spit it out!” Eric pleaded. Nanny McPhee stared at the young man, “You'll have to swallow it sooner or later, so I suggest you choose sooner.” Simon swallows and wipes his tongue on his sleeve, “Ugh.” Nanny McPhee smiled, “Excellent, who's next?” All the children gulped and tried to slide back down into bed.

oOo

Eggsy was sitting outside on the back porch, he had just brushed and mopped the house and was taking a quick break to read. He was sitting hunched over his book, “Took...” Eggsy hummed, “He took... um... her.. love- lovin'- ly.” Eggsy grinned, “He took her lovingly by.. the.. hand.” A shadow was cast over him and he stood up dropping his book. “Agh! Oh, Nanny McPhee. You scared me half to death!” Nanny McPhee leaned down and picked up the book, careful not bend the pages. “I um.. I was just practising my sounds, Roxy and Lili are teaching me to read.” He smiled as Nanny McPhee handed him the book, “That is good, Eggsy.” Eggsy looked up to Nanny McPhee, “They're all good you know, underneaf it all, they're good kids.” Nanny McPhee hums and points to the book, “Is it a favourite of yours?” She had noticed the pages were well worn, “No, well erm, I don' know, I haven' finished it yet, Lili leant it to me only a week ago.” Eggsy frowned, “It's a pity stories aren't around real people. I mean this girl is a scullery maid, like me, but I'll bet you a pound to a penny that he finds out he- she is actually educated and then he will fall in love with 'er.”

Eggsy realised his slip up and just hoped Nanny McPhee didn't notice, he stood up and put the book back in his apron, he lifted up a basket to collect the sheets over the wash line. “You must read it and find out.” Eggsy huffed, “He wouldn' love 'er if she couldn' read. You know?” He grabbed the sheets a little forcefully and shoved them into the basket before heading back inside, “He'd think hi-her stupid and worfless, and beneaf 'im.” Eggsy needed to stop talking, his accent gets thicker when he's angry and he doesn't need to explode in front of the new nanny. “Excuse me, Nanny McPhee.” Nanny McPhee watched Eggsy walk back inside, he had gotten very flustered over this but Nanny McPhee was sure he hadn't been talking about the book. She hummed before heading back inside. There was still more work to be done.

oOo

Nanny McPhee walked into the kitchen to find the cook Merlin busy at work and no sign of Eggsy. Merlin saw her out of the corner of his eye and addressed her, “Buttered spuds for lunch with boiled beef then apple pie and custard.” Nanny McPhee walked further into the kitchen, “Hm.” Merlin looked up at the new nanny, “I think the children will be requiring something a little more... austere today.” Merlin looked at her baffled, “'Orse wha'?” Nanny McPhee moved to in front of the island in the middle of the kitchen, “The children are not themselves, Merlin.” Merlin sighed heavily and then grunted, “Oh perfect. That means jellies and ice-cream, raspberry cordial and only God knows what else!” Merlin pushed his glasses back up his nose, “Well then, I'd better get cracking.” He then yelled “ Eggsy! Eggsy! Where is that blasted boy. I swear it'll be snow in August before that one is around when you need him. I suppose I won't have 'im in the kitchen because he'll be feeding those pests!”

Nanny McPhee raised a hand to stop him, “Calm yourself, Merlin. I am in charge today and I understand that you were once in the armed forces.” Merlin got a twinkle in his eye at the mention of the army, “I was that Ma'am, Cooked at a training camp and kept those boys strong, I did!” Nanny McPhee smiled, “I'm sure you did, perhaps then a broth of some sort would be better for the children? You must be an expert in them.” Merlin smiled a toothy grin, “Best thin potato gruel with lots of peelings in? That always got 'em groaning but kept 'em strong, so it did!” Nanny McPhee nodded, “Are you well supplied with peelings?” Merlin looked around the kitchen and saw a bag by the door, “Ah! These'll do, Eggsy only peeled 'em yesterday.” Nanny McPhee left the kitchen, leaving behind an extremely chuffed Merlin in her wake.

Eggsy walked in 20 minutes later and scrunched his nose, “Oh my.. lord! What is that smell!?” Eggsy covered his nose with his sleeve as he walked further into the kitchen. Merlin turned to him and smiled, “Eggsy lad, we finally have a nanny with a bit of common sense! The little hallions aren't feeling well so she has decided to give 'em some of me special broth.” Eggsy looked into the pot and almost gagged himself, “Merlin... those kids are not going to eat that... I won't get them to eat it.” Merlin wagged the wooden spoon at him, “Nonsense, if it was good enough for my men it is good enough for these children. Anyway Nanny McPhee said I was to be the one administering it to them.” Eggsy laughed, “You? Around them? I would love to see that.” Merlin poured a small portion into a smaller pot and grabbed the bowls and spoons. Eggsy nearly retched when he saw a turkey neck. _Those kids would rather starve._

Upstairs the children were excited when Nanny McPhee announced it was dinner time. Eggsy had always come up to feed them when they were ill and one child in particular had something important to ask Eggsy about. However when they heard a thick Scottish accent they all groaned. Nanny McPhee held open the door for Merlin who walked into the bedroom and handed out a bowl and spoon to each of them. When the smell reached their noses they all made a face and some tried to hide under the covers. Merlin gave two spoonfuls to each child, “There we are. Loads of good in a turkey neck and some gristle. Get tha' into ye and you'll be good as new.” After they were each given a bowl the two adults left, the children looked at each other. Lili took one look at the bowl on her bedside table and retched, “They really are starving us.” Eric rubbed his eyes and put his glasses back on, staring at the ceiling, “I wonder how long it will take for all of us to die.”

An hour later, after none of the children touched the bowls, they were startled by Eggsy's voice, “Have you lazy lot been in bed all day?” he teased them. “Eggsy!” one of them shouted. Eggsy walked over to Sebastian, rubbing his forehead, looked at the white that came off on his hand and tutted, “You lot have been doing measles again, haven't you.” Eric turned his head to Eggsy, “The situation is very simple, Eggsy. You see, the nanny, who in my opinion is a witch, she made us all ill and fed us boiled-down toads.” Eggsy frowned at sat at the edge of Eric's bed combing the young boys hair with his hand, “Nanny McPhee is not a witch, Eric. You're very naughty to say such things.” He looked around the room at all of them, “I'm sure she knew what she was doing.”

Sebastian turned his head to look at the older man, “I am unbelievably hungry Eggsy. Can you _please_ get us something decent to eat.” Eggsy was floored, his eyes widened and he stood up to walk over to the young child's bed. “D-d-Did you just... say “please”?” “Please, please, Eggsy!” the children chorused. Eggsy fell off the bed in shock quickly scrambling to his feet.

At that moment Mr Hart entered the room, “Well, children, I hear you've been in bed all day but you're all better now.” He smiled at his children. “It wasn't our fault!” cried Chrissie. Mr Hart shook his head, “I'm sure it wasn't anyone's fault dear, you can't help it if you get ill. But you're all better now.”

Unnoticed in the corner, Nanny McPhee raised her stick and banged it against the floor.

The children all suddenly felt ten times lighter, they were able to sit up! But nobody moved. “Papa..?” Harry's head snapped around to his daughters smiling, “Yes, Chrissie?” “Now that we're better... can we get up?” Harry was struck dumb, “Erm...” “Can we get up, _please_?” the children chorused. Harry looked to Eggsy who stared back at him his mouth hanging open, “Well.. of course you can.” “Oh thank Lord!” Roxy cried as she jumped instantly out of bed and began to run out to the bathroom, however the other children had the same idea and the three adults had to move out of the way of the stampede of children. There was a continuous line of “Thank you” as the children all ran out of the room. “Erm... Mr Hart?” Eggsy whispered, Harry looked down to see that he had grabbed Eggsy by the waist when the children were running at them and now had him tucked into his side. “Sorry, I er.. I have some... letter-writing to do. I- excuse me.” He let go of Eggsy's waist and all but sprinted out of the bedroom.

“ggsy, Eggsy!” A stern voice knocked Eggsy from his thoughts, “What, sorry, what?” Nanny McPhee stared at him, “Please ask Merlin to make the children some scrambled eggs on toast, I'm sure they would like supper now that they are feeling better.” Eggsy frowned at Nanny McPhee for a second... _Something was different_ , but he shrugged and smiled “I'll do it myself, Nanny McPhee.”

oOo

Harry was sitting at his desk, he was trying to write a letter to Mrs...Ms Quickly but he couldn't get Eggsy off his mind, his touch, his smell, his eyes. He looks up and gasps, putting a hand to his heart, Nanny McPhee looked down at him, “I did knock.” Harry nodded, “Of course you did.” Nanny McPhee nodded, “Lesson two: to get up when they are told, is complete.” Harry sighed in relief, “Very good, very good. Thank you.” Nanny McPhee nods to him, “Goodnight, Mr Hart.” Harry noticed something and spoke without thinking, “Nanny McPhee.. didn't you used to have two... uh.. erm... never mind. Just my imagination.” Nanny McPhee nods and then bids him goodnight again.

Harry startled awake a few hours later, in desperate need of a drink he set off towards the kitchen. He sees Eggsy sitting at the table, hunched over, murmuring lightly. He gently walked closer to hear what he was saying, “Th-th-en... then... 'e g-g-gen..t-ly.. That doesn't sound right.” Harry smiled and spoke quietly, “It's a soft 'g' not a hard one.” Eggsy jumped about two feet in the air, accidentally swiping the book off the table and onto the floor, “Oh M-Mr Hart. You startled me.” Harry walked forward until he was in front of Eggsy and picked the book off of the floor. “Apologies.” He straightened up and looked at the title, “This is a good book. I remember reading it to the children.” He handed it out to Eggsy, who looked as though he was about to throw up. “Are you alright Eggsy? I truly didn't mean to scare you.” Eggsy took the book back with shaking hands, “It's a'right Mr Hart. I was just-” Eggsy immediately clamped his mouth shut. _Uh oh._ Mr Hart didn't seem to want to let it go. “You were just...” Eggsy looked down to the floor, “I was um, just practising my sounds, Mr Hart.” Mr Hart looked at him confused, “Your sounds?”

Eggsy wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him right there and then. “Um... yes Mr Hart, my sounds, my words really. The um... the girls have been.. teaching me to um r-read.” Honestly, he was waiting for Harry to tell him to stop asking the girls to help him, instead he just smiled. “That's wonderful. A brilliant idea if I ever saw one. Would you... would you like me to help?” Eggsy couldn't believe it. The very man he wanted to impress was offering to help teach him read. He shook his head, “Really, Mr Hart I wouldn't want to trouble you-” Harry interrupted him, “Nonsense. I'd be honoured to help.” Eggsy couldn't help the blush that had begun to creep up his neck. “What word were you practising before I came in?” Eggsy's shaking hands opened the book, “Erm... it was... eh..” He tried to get his eyes to focus on the pages, “This one.” he showed Mr Hart the word he was pointing at. Harry look at it and didn't laugh at Eggsy for being uneducated, he didn't even smirk. “Oh, that is 'gently'. Then he gently..um.” He stopped at the next word. Eggsy looked at the book again, “Then, 'e, gent-ly... k-ki-ss-ed.” He looked up to Mr Hart questioningly, “Kissed?” Mr Hart looked at him oddly, it looked almost... passionate... No he was wrong. He was tired, imagining things.

Harry was getting lost in the boys eyes, his eyes moved down to his lips and without any thought he leaned in slightly, “Kissed.” He whispered, their lips just barely touching. They were broken out of a trance by footsteps coming down to the kitchen. They broke apart just as Chrissie came around the corner, “Chrissie what are you doing up?” Chrissie looked up at her papa and Eggsy confused, “I needed a glass of water.” Eggsy quickly moved to the sink and grabbed a clean cup, he filled it up with water, when he gave it to Chrissie she shook her head and instead grabbed his free hand in hers and pulled him upstairs. Leaving a slightly out of breath Harry Hart stuck to the spot in the middle of the kitchen.

 


	4. It's Going To Be A Good Day

It was a lovely morning, Eggsy thought. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky and a very mild wind. _A perfect day for the washing_. Eggsy was strolling down the lane to the house, he had a large basket under his arm filled with fruits, vegetables, potatoes and milk. He loved Sunday mornings, he got to stroll into town with a shopping list and a small budget, today was extra special, he found 2 shillings on his way to the market and treated himself to an apple. Yes, today was a good day. As he walked down the lane to the house humming to himself he heard someone calling, “Hey! Hey you there!” Eggsy whipped around to see the mail boy running towards him. “Yes?” He looked at Eggsy and was slightly out of breath, “You live at the Hart house don't you?” Eggsy nodded, “I do.”The smaller boy reached into his bag and lifted out a small envelope, “Telegram for Mr Harry Hart.” Eggsy took the envelope from the boys hand, “I'll make sure Mr Hart gets it. Thank you.”

Eggsy continued walking down the lane and his thoughts immediately went to last night, _Mr Hart almost kissed me. Mr Hart almost Kissed ME. ME_. He walked around the side of the house and into the kitchen, “Mornin', Merlin.” he said happily, “Mornin', lad. You're awful chipper today.” Eggsy smiled as he put away the groceries, “It's just a good day, Merlin. Excuse me.” He ran upstairs to Mr Harts study. He knocked on the door and entered, “Telegram for you, Mr Hart.” He handed the man the small envelope and when he grabbed it their fingers brushed, Eggsy blushed and their fingers lingered together before Eggsy pulled away and awkwardly smiled as he picked up the breakfast tray to take downstairs.

Harry opened the telegram and read over it and gasped, “Oh my... oh my goodness.” He jumped up from his chair and bounced down the hallway to the dining room where the kids were eating breakfast, “Ah, Nanny McPhee.” All the children looked up excitedly, “Pa!” they shouted, smiling. Harry smiled and waved the telegram, “I have some good news, an announcement. You're Great-Uncle Arthur is coming for tea today.” Baby Daisy screamed and all the children gave an outcry, “What?” “No!” Liliana spoke up, “Uncle Arthur is vile and vicious!” Eric nodded, “He's as blind as a bat. And we're _convalescing_ , for heaven's sake!”

Harry sighed and held up a hand, “No, now, that's quite enough. I don't want to hear anything bad about him.” He told them sternly, “He... pays the rent.” he mumbled. Chrissie looked at him, “He _scares_ me.” Harry walked over and patted her head, “Oh come now, he's only coming for tea. Now all of you will out your best clothes on and, and Nanny McPhee will keep you in order.” Nanny McPhee looked up at him, “I will try my best, sir, considering today is Sunday after all. I am off duty this afternoon.” Harry's face dropped, “Off- off, off duty? Today? Well I- I need you- _They_ need you.” The children were looking between Nanny McPhee and their father each time one of them spoke. Nanny McPhee hummed, “I shall be leaving at noon. Thereafter, I'm sure the children will do exactly as they're told. Won't you, children?” She looked at them all and noticed how Simon looked down and tried to keep a smile from tugging at his lips. A plan forming in the young man's mind.

Harry was sitting back in his study in front of the chair, he put on his glasses, “Listen to this, dear. Uncle Arthur says, 'I am coming with the express intention of easing your financial burden.' Maybe he's thought over my having to remarry and has decided to let it go? Perhaps I won't have to go through with it.” He grinned at the pink chair, _Perhaps then... that means I could..._ His mind drifted of to thoughts of the young blonde scullion who he had... shared a moment with last night. _Maybe... just maybe._

Upstairs, Roxy was helping the younger children get into their clothes, she had quickly dressed first so she could tidy up the twins. “Sebastian, stop fidgeting!” She hissed, “I hate my best clothes. They're itchy!” Chrissie smelt her sleeve and wrinkled her nose, “And mine smell funny!” Roxy shook her head and sighed, “We promised father. So that's that.” Simon entered the room carrying his clothes and smirked, “Roxy's right. We promised, so we should do _exactly_ as we're told.” he grinned at his siblings, “We've been told to put our best clothes on, yes? So I'm going to put my best clothes on... the pig.” The twins began laughing and trying to take their clothes back off, “Yeah, the pig!” “Or the Donkey!” Roxy tried to shout over them, “Simon, no! Please don't!” The other children ignored her and ran out after Simon. Simon turned to Liliana, “Lili, when Arthur arrives I want you to tail him and father to see what they talk about.” Lili nodded and stayed on the landing as the other children ran downstairs. Roxy sighed and picked up Daisy, “We're going to be in so much trouble.”

oOo

Harry was waiting outside for Arthur, He had on his best suit, sand coloured trousers and waistcoat, a white shirt, his green jacket and the lovely red tie that Merlin ad Eggsy had gotten him one year for his birthday. He could hear the horses in the distance and prayed to heaven above that today went as smoothly as he wanted it to. The horses came around the corner and was followed by a big black carriage with gold trims. _Good grief._ He though to himself and he stepped down onto the path ready to open the door.

Arthur was an average sized man, not too tall, not too small, not over fat but not overly skinny either, he would tell his kids off for saying so but yes... he did have very, very bad eyesight. He spoke proper, dressed proper and he _always_ held himself as if the world's largest stick had been shoved right up his- “Harry! Harry where are you.” Arthur was leaning out of his carriage trying to put his monocle on, Harry stepped forward, “I'm right here, Arthur.” Arthur looked at him and leaned back, “Oh! Don't crowd me so.” He stepped out of the carriage in an impeccable suit, tailored to within an inch of it's life. “You're looking so...pale... Harry.” Arthur says with slight disdain, “Where's my tea, we must have tea at once.” Harry tried not to roll his eyes, “Of course, this way.” He lead Arthur into the house... slightly worried that he couldn't see or hear his children.

Arthur had his nose turned up, “I smell damp.” He walked through the house, inspecting the surfaces for... anything. Harry is just glad he had asked Eggsy to give the house a quick dust and wash. Good man Eggsy. “The damp in the house is probably why you look so ill.” Harry sighed, here he goes again, so he grins happily “Say, Arthur, is that a new hat?” Arthur smiled, “Indeed, a gift from the Duke of Kent. He has excellent taste.” Harry leads him into the study and as quiet as a mouse Liliana comes down the stairs and kneels around the corner listening to the two adults, “I always hated this room.” Harry chuckled nervously in response, “Milk?” Arthur grimaced, “Absolutely not, Disgusting stuff, most unhealthy.” Harry nodded, “Sugar?” he asked. “Six if you please.” Harry faltered a little, trying not to laugh... “Six.”

Arthur took a sip of his tea and looked at Harry with cold eyes, “I will not beat about the bush, Harry. The issue is, you have too many children.” Harry's face fell, “Ah..that.” Arthur tutted, “Don't interrupt.” he snapped making Lili jump. “Your wife, my poor, weak-minded niece, had no sense of proportion. However, I know where my duties like, I gave her my word I would help and you know, Harry. My word is my law. I am proposing to help you further. I shall relieve you of one of your children and give it a home with me at King Manor.” Harry was in shock, he thinks his heart has stopped completely, his eyes as wide as saucers. Arthur continued, “It will require a sacrifice on my part, I realise that. But as my sainted Father always said, “Duty, Arthur, always duty.”

Harry spluttered, “No, erm.. you mustn't. I couldn't possibly-” Arthur held up a hand, “Thank me enough, I know.” Lili wanted to run and tell the others but she was too shocked to move. “One of your fortunate sons, for it must be a boy, will receive private tuition, in literature, history, deportment and above all, elocution. If there's one thing I won't stand for Harry. It is loose vowels. Now let us go find some of your offspring.”

Lili got up and quietly tiptoed outside before sprinting to find the others. She rounded the corner and bumped into her older sister. “Roxy!” Roxy looked at her frightened face, “What is it Lili?” Lili told Roxy everything she heard, “What did papa say? He must have told her no.” Lili shook her head, “He didn't say anything.” Roxy sighed and bounced Daisy on her hip. “Come on, Lili. We need to find the others.”  
They found the others dressing up the donkey in Eric's clothes. Roxy walked over, “Stop it! All of you. We have a big problem.” All the children stopped and Simon walked over to Roxy. “What.. what is it?” Roxy sighed, “Lili heard Arthur and papa talking and he wants to take one of the boys away and raise him at his manor.” “What?!” Simon shushed them all, “What did father say?” Lili looked down at the stones, “He didn't...” All of the children were quiet for a moment before Sebastian piped up, “Papa wouldn't do that! I want to see him!” Sebastian then runs away from the group, “No! Sebastian come back!” Roxy hit Simon on the back, “Stop him, Simon!” Eric ran after Sebastian as quickly as he could, having to keep pushing his glasses up every time he stepped as they bounced down his nose. “Seb, Stop! He'll see you!” He hissed and went to round the corner of the house when he saw Sebastian run straight into Arthur. He skidded to a halt and then ran back around the corner again. He looked slightly around the corner as Arthur grabbed Sebastian by his arm and wouldn't let him go, “Yes. You'll do perfectly.” _Oh no. No, no, no._ Eric slumped against the wall, he closed his eyes “Nanny McPhee where are you? Please we need your help! Please!”

Harry stepped back outside, “Sebastian? You can't possi-” “Quiet, Harry and do as you're told!”

**Bang**

They are interrupted by the donkey walking over... on two legs... Harry just thought it was some awful nightmare and he'll wake up soon. It's a fever dream, he's going insane maybe... maybe the he really is having a heart attack.  
Arthur stands straight, “Oh, my dear boy. You found my hat.” Harry looked at Arthur as if he had two heads. _Oh yes... blind._ While Arthur was distracted Harry leaned down to Sebastian, “Go find the others, now. Go.” He pushed Sebastian who ran around the corner and into the group, who were all laughing at Arthur talk to the donkey. They heard Arthur say, “Oh this is the boy for me, Harry.” Arthur saw Nanny McPhee come around the corner, “Oh thank heaven's, staff. You there!” Nanny McPhee walked over to him, “Yes, sir?” Arthur pointed to the donkey, “I'm taking this child with me, get all his belongings together.” Nanny McPhee looked at the donkey, then to Arthur, “Very well, sir.”  
Nanny McPhee walked around the corner to see all of the children grouped at the side of the house. She looked down to them, “Do not forget, someone has to go with your great-uncle and it cannot be the donkey, cant it?” One of the children then got a great idea. “I know who will know what to do!”

oOo

Eggsy had just finished pegging the children's dripping clothes to the line when the children all ran around the corner. “Eggsy! Eggsy!” He wiped his hands on his apron and smiled, then frowned at the look on their faces. “Wha's wrong?” Lili stepped forward “Eggsy, Uncle Arthur wants to take one of the boys away!” Eggsy's heart stopped, “He..he what?” Sebastian stepped forward, “He had me by the arm! He wanted to take me away!” “He thinks there's too many of us for father to handle!” Roxy cried, and suddenly all the children were talking at once. “Hey! Hey! OI!” Eggsy shouted, He crouched down in front of them, “Listen you lot, I wan' all of you to quietly go up to your room and stay there 'til Nanny McPhee comes to get you.” Simon stepped forward, “Eggsy, what are you going to do?” Eggsy combed his fingers through the boys hair, “I'm goin' to fix this. Simon, take them upstairs. Trust me.”

Eggsy smiled at them and watched them all quietly head through the back entrance to the house. He knew what he had to do, Arthur King wanted a young man, and a young man is what he is going to get. He won't let anyone separate his kids. Family or no. He'll need Nanny McPhee's help. “Did you need anything, Eggsy?” The young man yelped as the woman appeared behind him, “Nanny McPhee! Yes I erm... I need your help.” Nanny McPhee just nodded and followed Eggsy inside.

10 minute had passed and no one had come upstairs for them. They all were getting restless, “What's he doing?” Lili asked, “Maybe he's gone to convince papa not to let any of us go.” Roxy furrowed her brows, “Why would papa listen to Eggsy?” Chrissie jumped up “Because I saw papa and Eggsy together last night.” Simon turned to Chrissie, “Together?” She nodded quickly, “What were they doing?” Chrissie hummed, “Well they were standing very close together, they had Eggsy's book between them.” Eric piped up, “I also heard Eggsy a few nights ago... he was in papa's study... talking...he said and I quote, 'I wish uneducated scullions could marry men like Mr Hart'... a scullion is a servant.” He had noticed their confused faces, “I mean, at first I thought nothing of it but now...” Simon's eyes widened _Wait...Does Eggsy love-_

“Something's happening! Eggsy's getting into Arthur's carriage!” Roxy shouted.

oOo

_**10 Minutes Earlier** _

Eggsy was shoving all his belongings into a shabby case, Nanny McPhee was standing at the door, “Are you sure certain, Eggsy?” Eggsy started nodding, he could feel the lump forming in his throat “Yea, I'm not letting anything come between any of their kids and Mr Hart.” He closed the case and looked around the room, he quickly remembered his apron and took it off, he took the book out and looked at it, he reopened the case and buried the book under his clothes, he grabbed his good waistcoat and put it on to look more presentable.  
He turned to look at Nanny McPhee, “They still have so much more to learn with you. They shouldn't be separated, not now, not ever.” He grabbed his case and stood in front of Nanny McPhee, “Look after them all, tell Merlin I'll miss him, tell the kids I'm sorry. Tell.. tell Mr Hart I'm sorry.” He holds out his hand for Nanny McPhee, she takes it in both of hers, “Good luck, Eggsy.” He nods and grabs his case, "Well... Nanny McPhee... at least I'm goin' to be an educated lad now." he says before running up the stairs.

He made sure the coast was clear and walked into the study, “Harry what took you- Oh. Hello.” Eggsy looked at the man... “Um.. Uncle Arthur...father told me I was goin' with you.” Arthur stood up “'Goin **g** ', I see, he finally chose one, excellent. What's your name boy?” “It's E-Gary. My name's Gary.” Arthur collected his hat and coat, “Well, no need to stay then, stand up straight boy and let's be going.” He quickly followed Arthur out to the carriage and got in. “Sit up straight boy. I see I have a lot to teach you.” Arthur sighed.

Nanny McPhee entered the children's room and was instantly crowded, “What happened? Where did Eggsy go?” Nanny McPhee shushed them. “Eggsy put himself forward to be taken under Arthur's wing to ensure you all stayed together.” Simon stepped up to Nanny McPhee and raised his voice, “Why would he do that?!” Nanny McPhee looked at him, “Because Simon, actions have consequences and because of your actions today, Eggsy decided to pay the price for it.” Before any of the other children could say anything they heard shouting, “Arthur? Arthur!? Sebastian?! Children?!” They all ran out the door, “Papa! Papa!”

Harry thought he was going to pass out, he came back in to find Arthur gone and the house quiet and he couldn't find his children anywhere. As he shouted for them they all came bounding down the stairs, he exhaled sharply, he took each of them into his arms as they came downstairs, “Two, four, five, seven.” He sighed in relief that all his children were counted for. “But... who?” “Papa! Eggsy's gone!” Lili cried, “Eggsy?!” He was confused, “Father he tricked Arthur into taking him instead!” Sebastian shouted.

Harry looked out through the front door which was still ajar. “Eggsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO it was NOT a very good day!  
> I'm so sad Eggsy's gone :(  
> Well... for now ;)


	5. Out of the Frying Pan

Nanny McPhee walked into the bedroom to find the children all ready for bed, Sebastian came up to him, “Thank you for saving me, Nanny McPhee.” She took his small hand and led him up to his bed, all the children looked at her as she passed, “Yes, thank you.” “Thank you.” “Thank you Nanny McPhee.” When she looked to Simon he gave her a nod and a very small smile. That was definitely a 'thank you'. She nodded back and gave him a small wink before turning and tucking Sebastian into bed.

Sebastian looked up at her, “Was papa really going to let him take me?” Nanny McPhee pulled the blankets to his chin, “No, Sebastian, your father would never have allowed it.” She straightened up and stood at the doorway, “Goodnight, children.” “Goodnight, Nanny McPhee” they all chorused. When she left Roxy turned to the rest, “She hasn't got any warts at all now... do you think she's using something?” They all gave her tired mumbles for replies so she shrugged and went to sleep.

Harry was standing at his fireplace staring into the clock, but he wasn't looking at it... not really. He was too focused in his thoughts. When he came back out of his trance he turned to almost walk right into Nanny McPhee, “Oh, goodness.” Nanny McPhee hummed as Harry moved behind his desk and sat down, “Thank you, Nanny McPhee. You were a tremendous help today.” Nanny McPhee nodded, “Not at all. You will find that lesson three, to get dressed when they're told is complete.” Harry looks at her confused, “Only to get dressed when they're told? I think they've learned a great deal more than that.” Nanny McPhee shrugged, “I have five lessons to teach, Mr Hart. Whatever lessons they learn is entirely up to them. Goodnight, Mr Hart.”

“Nanny McPhee...” he called to her, she turned, “Yes, Mr Hart?” He looked up at her, “He will be all right won't he? Eggsy, I mean. I just... can't help being concerned. Arthur can be very... well. You saw.” Nanny McPhee smiled, “He will most certainly be all right.” Harry visibly relaxed, “Good. I suppose he volunteered to go, did he? Couldn't wait to go I'd say.” Nanny McPhee shook her head, “Not quite. It was Eggsy's idea yes. Only to ensure that all the children all stayed here... with you. I imagine he would like to further educate himself as well. He's extremely quick witted that boy.” Harry smiled, “He is... isn't he. I think he rubbed it off on the children as well, helped Simon with his quick thinking.” Nanny McPhee smiled, “Goodnight, Mr Hart.” Harry nodded, “Goodnight, Nanny McPhee.”

He was glad that Eggsy would be alright, he was just worried about how the children would cope. He looked down to find the letter he rote to Mrs Quickly, he sighed deeply. If there is no Eggsy and Harry is at work... the children need someone... “So that's it then. I shall have to marry... Quickly.”

oOo

The next morning was... sad. Harry felt slightly, empty. It wasn't right not hearing Eggsy's moving about, his soft voice flowing through the halls. His 'Good morning, Mr Hart.' and 'It's cold out Mr Hart, wrap up warm', Harry missed the young man terribly... and it had only been half a day! He would have to get used to it... He left for work making sure to post that letter.  
During his work break he received a reply... Mrs Quickly accepted his offer to come around for tea tomorrow, he told Nanny McPhee to tell the children as he was going to be working late.

After hearing the news and having to deal with moping children all day, Nanny McPhee decided to take the children out to the beach and tell them there. Nanny McPhee sat with the younger ones while Roxy and Lili threw stones and Simon and Eric flew kites. “Children...” they all turned to her., “... your father asked me to tell you that there's a Mrs Quickly coming for tea tomorrow.” Lili sat down next to the others, “Nanny McPhee?” She looked to the child, “Yes, sweetheart?” Lili threw another stone, “Can you stop papa from marrying a horrible stepmother?” Nanny McPhee gave her an apologetic smile, “I'm afraid I cannot. I cannot interfere with matters of the heart.” Sebastian looked up, “Even if you wanted to?” Nanny McPhee brushed his hair with her hand, “Especially if I wanted to.” Chrissie tapped Nanny McPhee's knee, “Yes, Chrissie?” Chrissie looked at the rest and then looked back to her, “Why can we not have a step- _father_ Nanny McPhee?” Nanny McPhee hummed, “Well... your uncle believes you need a motherly figure back in your lives. Someone to love and care for you.” Chrissie frowned, “Well... Eggsy loved and cared for us... so why couldn't we have him instead?” All the children turned, for two reasons, the first was in shock at Chrissie's question and the second was that they actually wanted to hear the answer. “I'm afraid I don't know dear.” Sebastian piped up, “Maybe Simon could ask papa about it!” All the children turned on their elder brother. “He won't listen.” Roxy walked over to him, “You never know. He always listened to you.” Simon sighed, “I'll try.” Everyone smiled including Daisy who squealed and shook her rattle.

oOo

Harry was working late into the evening and was just putting away a newly tailored suit when Percival came to the door, “A visitor, Mr Hart.” Harry looked up to see Simon walking through the door. He grinned “Simon, my boy. Come in, come in. What can I do for you?” Simon shuffled his feet, “Father, we want to ask you something...” Harry nodded “Of course, Simon, anything, ask away.” Simon took a deep breath and looked at his father, “Who is Mrs Quickly?” Harry face dropped, _Ah._ “Well, she's er.. she's a friend. A friend.” Simon looked hopeful, “Just a friend?” Harry stuttered, “Well.. Simon. It's um... not really any of your business.” Simon was determined to stand his ground, “Well what if we don't want a new mother?” Harry furrowed his brow, “Who said anything about that?” Simon huffed, “Well, you're going to marry her yes? You didn't ask us-” Harry snapped, “I do not need to ask you Simon. You must not question my-” Simon looked shocked, “I didn't I-” “You do not understand the adult world Simon. There are things... certain things that... Just leave Simon, go home this instant.” Simon looked hurt, then angry, “You never listen!” He shouted before walking out of his fathers office, slamming the door behind him and ran home.

He ran through the house, avoiding the others as he made his way to the attic... the nannies quarters. He knocked on the door, “Nanny McPhee?” when he didn't receive a reply he tried knocking again, “Nanny McPhee?” the door creaked open so Simon stepped inside, he couldn't see Nanny McPhee but... there... against the wall, was her stick. He felt like he was drawn to it,he slowly walked over to it and held it in his hands, he lightly tapped it against the ground and it made an odd sound, “Hello Simon.” came a voice from behind him, Simon startled and dropped the stick, only for it to be caught by Nanny McPhee. “I- I did knock.” Simon stuttered, Nanny McPhee nodded, “I know, I heard. May I be of assistance?” Simon looked down to the ground, “Father... he wouldn't listen... I couldn't get a word in. So erm... I...we need you to help us get rid of Mrs Quickly.”  
Nanny McPhee took a few steps back, “It will not surprise you Simon to hear that I cannot agree to that.” Simon got a pleading look in his eye, “Then let us do whatever we have to do to get rid of her.” Nanny McPhee didn't break eye contact, “Are you prepared to accept the consequences Simon?” Simon nodded his head, “Yes! Yes I promise.” Nanny McPhee hummed and then nodded her head, “Then I will, as you put it, let you do whatever you have to do.” Simon smiled, “Thank you, Nanny McPhee. Thank you.”

oOo

The next morning the children woke up early to hatch their plan. If Father wouldn't listen to them, then they would make him listen. They do not want a new mother! That's that. They all quickly got dressed and grabbed some empty jars and went outside, “Sebastian and Chrissie, you two get the worms, Roxy and Lili you try and get a frog, Eric get some sticks and make them into points. I'll find the spider.” Simon instructed the rest and then they all split up.

They all split up and after an hour of digging through the mud they all met back at the side of the house, Sebastian and Chrissie had a half jar of worms, Roxy and Lili was holding a jar with a pretty big frog inside and Eric had made some very sharp sticks. Simon took his jar out from his pocket and Roxy and Lili squealed, “Get it away, Simon!” Simon shushed them, “Quiet! If they hear us we're done for!” he hissed.

Simon and Roxy took the jar off Chrissie and Sebastian and gave Lili the frog to keep for now. Simon told the rest of them to back to bed and he and Roxy will be up soon. They tiptoed around the side of the house and they peaked in through the window checking the coast was clear. Roxy took out one of her clips and slid it up through the gap in the middle of the window, releasing the catch, she pulled the window doors open and they climbed in and locked the window behind them. Simon pointed to the silver platter that was sitting on the table and he lifted the top to find a tray of cut sandwiches, Roxy opened the jar of worms and they started filling the sandwiches with a worm in each piece.

When they finished Simon put the lid back on the tray and as they went to exit the kitchen they heard Merlin thudding down the steps, Simon grabbed Roxy's hand and they ran around the corner into the side corridor and slipped into the room on the right side. They closed the door behind them and waited for Merlin to disappear, Roxy turned around and her eyes widened as she looked at the empty bed and the discarded apron. _Eggsy's room._ Simon stood beside her and held her hand, “We'll get him back Rox. I know it.” Simon reassured her and they slipped back out of the room when the coast was clear and ran back upstairs to bed. The rest of the plan needs to be improvised... but they can make it work. They have to.

oOo

Mrs Quickly was... weird. She had curly blonde hair, large lips and a big nose and she was obsessed with the colour pink. “Oh look at them all! Just look at them!” Oh... and she was a screecher. “Aw they're all so adorable.” She looked at each one of them with a weird glint in her eye. The children instantly disliked her. Harry stood next to Mrs Quickly and addressed the children, “Children, this is erm... Mrs Quickly.” She made an over the top gasping noise and giggled, “Oh, you mustn't be so formal. You must call me Auntie Selma. I insist.” She looked at all of them again, making the children shudder.

“Goodness me, one does work up such a thirst in this heat.” Harry had no idea what she was talking about for a second, “Oh yes, of course. Do come through.” She waved at all the children, “Oh I don't want to leave these adorable faces for too long.” Then she entered their fathers study. After they were out of sight they quickly but quietly ran upstairs to get their equipment. “Okay Lili, I need you to sneak into the kitchen, pour out the tea, put in some water and put the frog in the tea pot” Lili nodded and grabbed the jar and hurried downstairs. Simon grabbed the jar with the spider and some string. “Alright. Let's go.”

The children were a DISASTER. Harry knew they wouldn't stay well behaved for very long. He's had to protect Mrs Quickly from getting stabbed twice, drinking frog, and eating any more sandwiches. Yes 'any more' she has already eaten one worm sandwich. Mrs Quickly thinks he's going mad. He's had to lunge at her 4 times already, maybe he has gone mad.  
“Do you remember her Mr Hart?” Harry had not been paying any attention whatsoever, “Pardon?” “My friend, Miss Carter, pinker complexion compared to me. I had said to her “kindness seems to be second nature to him” you were a perfect gentlemen.” She stared at him intently, “I said “There's something so masculine and yet retiring in his manner-” Harry wasn't paying attention, instead he was paying attention to the quite large spider that had now landed on Mrs Quickly's head. He had moved to get rid of it and had tripped and landed on Mrs Quickly, using it as a cover he quickly brushed the spider of her head, “Mr Hart!!” She squealed, “I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me.” He murmured. Mrs Quickly stood up, “Well perhaps we should cut this tea short Mr Hart.” She went for the door which Harry noticed had a wire around it, he followed the wire out the door and into the hallway where Eric was handling a machine to make an electrical current run through it. He jumped off his chair and grabbed the handle before she could touch it, which meant she was trapped against him and the door and with his body vibrating with the electric shocks she cried out, “Oh! You mad fool! I say!” The current stopped and Harry slumped forward, his head on her shoulder. “You must ask me now Harry, just one question and I'm yours. Ask me or lose me forever.” Harry stuttered, no words were forming in his mind, through the crack in the door he saw Chrissie prepare to slingshot a cream bun at Mrs Quickly's back, she let go and the bun went flying through the air, “No!” He shouted and turned them around quickly so that it hit his back.

However... his outburst wasn't taken to kindly... “Oh you are a cad, Mr Hart! This is too much!” she sobs and runs out of the house. _I'm royally screwed now._

The children were all upstairs sitting with Nanny McPhee, “Papa's coming.” He told the other two boys who followed him out to the bedroom. Harry sighed as he looked at his children, “Well... she's gone. The only person who stands between us and total ruin... and she's gone” The children's smiles had faded very quickly. He looked at his children's confused little faces, “What's ruin?” asked Sebastian. Harry sighed and sat on the windowsill, “I suppose, there's no time to sugar coat it any more. I can't support my family. I never have been able to, there are just so many of you.” He looks at them all and smiled, “When Daisy came along and your mother was ill... I said, 'We may have to stop now dear.'” Harry sighed, “The fact of the matter is, your great uncle Arthur has been supporting us for years with a monthly allowance.” The older children looked at him in surprise, “A little while ago he told me that I had to remarry or the allowance would stop. That woman... Mrs Quickly, she was my last chance. Our... last chance.” Simon looked at his father “Ours?” he asked. _Well, I've told them this much._ He sighed, “When the money stops the house will be taken. Some of you may be taken to the workhouse and some of you will be put into the care... care of others. I don't know how many of you will be able to stay together.” Chrissie went over and sat on Roxy's lap. “I'm sorry to have failed you children.” He looked at all their beautiful faces, “You deserve so much better.” He feels his throat get tighter and decides it best to leave the room.

Lili whipped around to face Nanny McPhee, “Do something.” Nanny McPhee looked down at her, “What would you suggest?” Eric stood up and walked over to her, “Change what happened. Bang your stick. Make it undo itself.” Nanny McPhee shook her head “I cannot, these were your actions. Simon promised that you would accept the consequences.” Simon jumped down the few steps and faced Nanny McPhee, “I didn't know the consequences would be for us all to be separated! What do we do? Help us Nanny McPhee, tell us what to do.” She looks at Simon, “You must undo it for yourselves.” Simon shook his head, “How? How?!” Nanny McPhee leaned forward. “Think! You're very clever, children.”  
Simon felt as though a light bulb was over his head. He knew exactly what they needed to do. He'd have to swallow every bit of pride he had to do it but for his siblings... he'd do anything.

Even if it meant... apologising.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say double upload?!  
> Actually it might have been me...  
> "DOUBLE UPLOAD!!!"


	6. A Day Full of Questions

Early the next morning Simon woke up and quietly got out of bed and sat beside Roxy gently shaking her awake. “Rox... Rox wake up.” He whispered, Roxy snuffled in her sleep and hit Simon in the face. So Simon pushed her off the bed. “Agh!” She hit the floor with a big thump, she grumbled and knelt up, “What?!” She huffed, “Get dressed, we're going out.” He grabbed her shirt and dress and threw them at her. Roxy rubbed her eyes and yawned, “Where are we going?” Simon grabbed his jumper and trousers, I will tell you on the way there, now get ready.” Roxy huffed and grabbed her clothes to go into the bathroom.

Eric sat up and put on his glasses, “What are you doing, Simon?” Simon pulled on his shoes and tied them, “Roxy and me are going out.” Chrissie sat up immediately, “No, Chrissie! You're not coming.” Chrissie pouted, “Why can't we come?” Simon shook his head, “Because me and Roxy are older. We'll be back later.” He walked out of the room and Roxy slipped on her shoes and ran after him.  
They were walking up the path away from the house, Roxy brushed her hair over her shoulder, “Can you explain to me where we are going now?” Simon walked around the corner, “We're going to see Mrs Quickly.” Roxy stopped walking, “What?! Why?!” she cried, “Because we need them to get married.” Roxy was puzzled, “But, I thought we didn't want them to get married?” Simon sighed, “Well... now we do.”

20 minutes later they were standing outside a white cottage with pink frames and a big pink door, the cottage was surrounded by flowers and weird ornaments. “This place gives me the creeps.” Roxy whispered, Simon shushed her, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. _Here we go._ The door opened and Mrs Quickly was standing in front of them, “Oh..” Simon decided it was best to apologise first, “Mrs Quickly, we're very sorry about the tea you had with our father.” Mrs Quickly scoffed, “Typical man, sending his children to do his dirty work.” Simon shook his head, “No, he doesn't know we're... I mean, he very much wants to marry you, Mrs Quickly.” Roxy nodded “He wasn't being rude, he was just protecting you from all the naughty things we were doing.” Mrs Quickly sneered, “Don't try to make excuses for him. He's nothing but a cad.” Simon got angry, “No he's not! He's a good man, he was trying to save us.” Roxy suddenly had an idea, “And if he doesn't marry... all the money will go.” Mrs Quickly instantly perked up, “Money? What money?” Simon caught on, “Our great-uncle Arthur's money.” Roxy smirked “ _Lord_ Arthur King.”

“Lord?!”

oOo

Harry was packing up some of the items in his office, he might be able to sell them and get a little extra money for now. He can't help but feel like a failure, he failed his wife, he failed Eggsy and now he's failed his children. The door slammed open, “Mr Hart!” Harry almost fainted, “Mrs- Mrs Quickly.” _What..._ “Mr Hart, your children have explained it all to me.” Harry looked over, Simon and Roxy stood there and were soon joined by the others. “Um... ex-explained?” He stuttered, “Yes! That their tricks during tea was a result of their motherless condition, that they need a woman's presence to calm them and that you could benefit from that presence... pathetic and lonely as you are.” murmuring the last part under her breath. She held out her hand for him to take, “All it takes is one little question, Harry.”

Harry didn't know what to do, he was struck dumb, _what is happening,_ he looked over to his children and Simon motioned to get down on one knee. “Oh, yes, yes of course. Er.” He fidgeted for a second before falling to one knee and taking her extended hand. “Mrs Quickly.” She smiled at him but clenched her teeth, “Selma..” Harry blinked, “Yes. Selma. I mean. Selma, would you do me the honour of becoming my...” _Eggsy._ “... of becoming my...” _husband._ Eric hissed, “Wife.” Harry slightly shook his head, “Yes! Wife, that's the word.” Selma squealed, “Yes! Oh Yes, Harry!” She kneeled beside and gave him a big kiss on his cheek, “Mmmmmmmmmm WA!” The children looked on, some confused and others slightly disgusted. Mrs Quickly got up, “Run along now, dears. Let daddy have a moment to himself with your new mummy.” Harry gulped.

Selma had rushed out, saying that she needed to start preparing and they should marry as soon as possible. He sank down onto his chair, “Dear... what just happened...” he asked the chair. ' _The children explained everything to me.'_ He sat up, “I'll be right back.” He walked up the stairs and into the children's room where Nanny McPhee was getting them into bed, they all looked at him patiently. “I'm sorry.” He blurted out, “I should have told you... I can see that.” He walked in and sat down beside Roxy holding her hand, Chrissie came over and sat on his lap cuddling into him, Lili got up behind him and rested her head on his shoulder, Sebastian sat down by his feet and Eric and Simon sat across from him on Simon's bed. “If I had discussed this with you before... maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.” Nanny McPhee left the room quietly. Simon's eyes widened, “No, it was our fault. We... we should have known you had a good reason for getting married again.” Harry looked at all his children, his heart bursting with love for all of them, “Well, at least this way, we will ll be together. That's what matters most, hm?” His girls cuddled in closer and Sebastian let his head fall against his knee, Harry smiled and ran his fingers through the boys hair. “I promise I'll never hide anything that affects us from you again. I can see you are more than capable of understanding it.”

Sebastian raised his head, “Papa?” Harry hummed, “Yes, my boy?” “Do you think mama still thinks about us where she is?” Harry smiled sadly, “I'm sure she does. I know she thinks about every single one of you and she is as every bit as proud of you as I am.” He kissed Chrissie's head, “Now, Chrissie, why don't you choose us a story to read.” Chrissie jumps off his lap to find a book, “Papa? I can't find the one you used to read to us.” Lili raised her head, “We gave it to.... we gave it to Eggsy... remember?” All the children suddenly looked very glum except Simon who looked almost guilty. “I miss Eggsy.” Roxy said quietly, the children hummed in agreement and even Daisy gave a gurgled, “Eggy!” Eric spoke up, “Papa? Do you miss Eggsy?” Harry looked almost confused, “Of course I do, dears.” Sebastian jumped up “Papa! There was something I forgot to ask you!” The other children tried to shush him, “Seb... this probably isn't the best time.” “Sebastian... no...” Harry ruffled his hair, “What is it?” Sebastian stood up and the others tried to grab him to shush him, “It's nothing papa!” they shouted. Harry laughed, “I thought we weren't keeping secrets any more, children?” Sebastian got out of the other boys' grasp and ran over to him, “Papa, uncle Arthur wanted us to have a stepmother... why?” Harry was confused, “Well it was to um... give you more of a motherly figure in your lives, someone to care for you, love you, be here for you when I cannot be. Why do you ask?” “Sebastian stop it!” The others hissed, “It's just that... well... Eggsy cared for us, he looked after us and he liked us! Why couldn't he be our step _father_?”

Out of the list of things his youngest son could possibly asked, Harry Hart can safely say _that_ was not on the list. Harry didn't know what to say, “Um...well. Eggsy is still a young man, maybe he wouldn't want to get married yet.” _or to me either._ Chrissie looked up, “But you love him don't you?” Harry choked on air, “Wh-what? What gave you that idea?” All the children were looking at him now, “Well, when I went for a glass of water that night. I saw you kissing!!” She shouted. All the other children were suddenly in an uproar. “Kissed?!” “Papa!” “Why didn't you tell us?”  
“Enough! Enough!” he shouted until the children were quiet again. “I can assure you nothing happened. Now all of you it is time for bed.” They tried to protest bur he stopped them, “Come on, I'll tuck you all in.” He got everyone into bed and kissed each of them on the head. “Good night, children.” “Goodnight papa!”

In the next town a young man with proper posture and proper elocution just cried himself to sleep holding a wedding invitation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has gone a lot quicker than I thought.  
> I think only 2 chapters are left.  
> Up next?  
> The Wedding Day and Eggsy's Return!!!


	7. The End of the Story

The next morning the children were eating breakfast with their father. They were all in good moods and smiling when Nanny McPhee walked in, “Telegram for you, Mr Hart.” Harry wiped his fingers on his napkin, “Thank you, Nanny McPhee.” he opened the envelope and quickly read it. “Children?” All the children looked up, “Your great uncle Arthur will be arriving early for the service tomorrow...” all their faces fell, “He's bringing Eggsy with him.” All the children shot out of their chairs, “YES!” They gave their father a group hug as Daisy sat in her high chair shaking her rattle in delight. “Now you will show him how good you all are yes?” They all nodded quickly. “Good, now go upstairs to get ready, Mrs Qui- Selma will be here soon to finish your outfits for tomorrow.”

The children were all in the play room all happily chatting about Eggsy coming tomorrow, Lili swayed dreamily, “Do you think that when Eggsy comes he will rescue papa from that woman?” Simon shook his head, “No Lili. Didn't you hear papa? Anyway he needs to marry Mrs Quickly. That's that.” They couldn't interfere this time. They had to stay out of it.

Harry had left for work so all the children were waiting with Nanny McPhee to be fitted for their outfits. There was a shrill laughter and a knock at the door, Nanny McPhee answered the door and the children all waited on the stairs. “Ah, look, there they are. Aren't they gorgeous?” She told her friend. “Now then children, this is Letty Carter, she will be taking finishing your clothes.” Her friend was holding 7 garment bags and a basket. “Excellent, now... whatever your name is... give this to the cook. This is the recipe for the cake and some decorations.” She handed Nanny McPhee a small bag. “Of course ma'am.” Nanny McPhee nodded and left the children alone.

Mrs Quickly's friend wasn't as good a tailor as their father they soon realised as she kept sticking them with pins.

“Now then children, when me and your father are married there's going to be some changes around here. I will be in charge of this household now, and while I am in charge you will all behave. Do you hear me? Behave.” Daisy was shaking her rattle and Mrs Quickly tutted, “We will not be having any of that nasty noise all the way through my nice wedding.” She takes the rattle out of Daisy's hand who immediately started wailing, “Oh shut her up will you.” Simon tried to make a grab for the rattle but she held it out of his reach, “Ah ah ah, naughty.” Roxy held a now hysterical Daisy, “That's our mother's rattle. Give it back!” Mrs Quickly sneered at them, “Well... I'm your mother now.”

Then she snapped the rattle in half.

oOo

All the children were exhausted, Daisy hadn't settled after the incident yesterday.

She cried all through the night.

Nanny McPhee came upstairs to get them all out of bed at 8am telling them Mrs Quickly will be here soon and also great uncle Arthur. Which means Eggsy! They all hopped out of bed and got breakfast in their pyjamas, they aren't allowed to get their new clothes messy before the wedding. They haven't seen their father yet and Simon told them all to keep the rattle incident a secret from him. At 10am their father entered their bedroom, already dressed in a grey suit, “Okay, children. Your great uncle Arthur will be here soon so will you all get dressed.” They all nodded, “Papa?” asked Roxy. “Yes, darling?” Roxy smiled, “You look very handsome.”

“Thank you, darling.” He forced a smile and left the room to tell Merlin.

The children had refused to play any pranks on Merlin after Eggsy left. They didn't mention it but Merlin was hit very hard from Eggsy leaving, he had been very withdrawn to the children, so they left him alone. They hoped Merlin would be happy seeing Eggsy today.

The older children got dressed first as usual and then tried to get the younger ones dressed. It was a disaster, there was ruffles, ribbons and buttons everywhere. Daisy outright squealed when any of them tried to get her dressed so they decided to leave her for now. “We look ridiculous.” Lili hissed. She wasn't wrong. The girls were in green dresses with pink ribbons and ruffles and the boys were in white shirts, green coats and white shorts with just as much ruffle as the girls. The girls were shepherdesses and the boys were... shepherds they guess.

“He's here! He's here!” They heard Mrs Quickly squealing from downstairs.

Honestly the children didn't know whether to be happy or upset.

oOo

There was someone else who didn't know whether to be happy or upset.

Eggsy was sitting in a brand new tailored suit, freshly shaven and hair slicked back. He felt so _wrong_. He was so confused, he knew he was happy to see the children again, Merlin. Harry. _His_ Harry... getting married to someone else. Which is what is upsetting him, he has to sit there and act like a proper gentleman while the love of his life gets married to someone else. How... _how_ was he supposed to do this?

As they came down the lane to the house he began to panic, there was no way he could do this! None!

“Now, Gary.”

“Yes, sir?” He asked politely.

“I am going to drop you off first, to give you time with your brothers and sisters. I will be back later. I expect you to remain a gentlemen the _entire_ time. Do you understand, Gary?”

Eggsy nodded “Of course, sir.” He instantly relaxed a little as he wouldn't have Arthur breathing down his neck every second.

They arrived outside the house and Eggsy got out of the carriage, the carriage took off again. The door whipped open and a woman almost ran at him, she had curly blonde hair, a pink and green dress and a matching hat. “My Lord.” she bowed to him, Eggsy stuttered, “Oh, no ma'am I am Eg-Gary. Lord Kings ward.” The smiled instantly wiped from her face, “Where is Lord King then?” Eggsy looked at this woman with a hint of disgust, “He's giving me time with the family before he comes back. Speaking of which, I should go up and see my _brothers_ and _sisters_.” He moved past her and out of routine began climbing the stairs. He was just rounding the top step when he ran into Nanny McPhee... literally.

Eggsy grinned, “Nanny McPhee!” he pulled her into a hug which she returned. “Eggsy, you are looking well.” Eggsy laughed, “I look ridiculous. So how are they? Do they still cause mayhem?” Nanny McPhee smiled, “They are all fine Eggsy, they have one more lesson to learn.” “They'll get there, I know they will. They're so clever.” Nanny McPhee nodded “They are indeed. Now you should go see them. I'm sure they will be very excited. You're all they talked about yesterday.” Eggsy's heart fluttered, They talked about him... all night. Nanny McPhee smiled at him and walked off.

Eggsy smiled as he made his way down the corridor, he paused before talking a deep breath and opening the children's door. They hadn't noticed him first so he took the second to look at them all, he couldn't help but blurting out “What on earth are yous wearin'?” All his elocution lessons went out the window. They all turned and took them a moment to realise he was standing there and they all screamed and ran at him, he quickly dropped onto his knees and hugged them all.

“Eggsy!”

“We missed you so much!”

Eggsy could feel the tears sting his eyes and the lump form in his throat. “Oh, I missed you all so much too. You 'ave no idea. Well come on, let's see you all.” They all stepped back and Eggsy looked at them all separately. “Chrissie and Sebastian you are so tall now! Lili, your 'air 'as gotten so long. Eric, you're looking more and more like your father. Roxy, almost the spit of your mother now.” He looked to the oldest, “Simon-” he froze on what he was going to say because the boy looked as if he was about to cry. “Simon what's wrong?” Uncharacteristic of the young boy he surged forward and wrapped his arms around Eggsy's middle. “Eggsy, you have to do something! The woman hates us!” Eggsy sighed, “I can't Simon. It's not my place, there's nothing I can do. Believe me if I could I would.” Roxy grabbed Eggsy's arm, “She broke Daisy's rattle.”

Eggsy saw red. “She did _what_?” his voice was dangerously low, “Yesterday, she took Daisy's rattle and broke it right in front of us! She hasn't settled since.” Eggsy let go of the two oldest children and made his way over to Daisy's cot. “Oh, Daisy.” he lifted her out of the cot and held her on his hip, her eyes were all red and puffy and she had tear tracks down her cheeks. He held her close to his chest, “Oh, my darling.” he whispered to her. Daisy wrapped her arms around his neck, “Eggy.” Eggsy smiled sadly, “That's right darling it's me.” He noticed her clothes were still laid out of Roxy's bed. “Let's get you dressed okay?” He quickly got Daisy changed into her outfit and he tickled her, “Oh well aren' you jus' the prettiest flowa' of 'em all!” Daisy giggled and squealed, the three girls came up to him, “Eggsy?” Eggsy looked at them, “Yes?” They all smiled, “Will you do our hair, like you used to?” Eggsy almost cried again, “Course I will.” He brushed the girls hair and put them in a half up half down style and put pink ribbons in each of them. “There you are, you all look like right princesses now.”

Nanny McPhee came in a moment later, “When you're all ready, your father wants you downstairs.” Eggsy directed them out of the room, he had Daisy on his hip as he walked down the stairs, they were about to walk down the second set when he placed a hand on Roxy's shoulder and silently told her to take Daisy. He hung back a second to straighten his suit, he fixed his tie and took a deep breath and then continued to walk down the stairs. That woman who almost ran into him was standing with another woman and they were with Merlin and Arthur. He walked down past the children up to Merlin and held out his hand, “Delectable to see you again, sir.” Merlin looked at him with wide eyes, “Blinkin' hell.” he took Eggsy's hand in a firm shake.

At that moment Harry came out of his study and Eggsy stiffened, _oh wow_ , he was breathtaking. “E-Gary... is that you?” Eggsy walked forward, “How do you do, sir?” Eggsy smiled, “It has been quite a while since we last spoke.” Harry frowned slightly at him, “Yes... yes it has, how are you? You look well.” Eggsy nodded, “I am most content, sir. My congratulations on your wedding sir.” Harry still hadn't let go of Eggsy's hand.

The blonde woman then took Arthur by the arm, “A drink, my lord?” Arthur smiled, _total prick_ , Eggsy thought. “Come along, Gary. I will introduce you.” Arthur and the two woman walked out to the back of the house, he gave a small smile to the children and turned to leave.

“Eggsy?” Harry said quietly.

Eggsy tensed as he turned, “Yes, Mr Hart?”

“We should catch up. After the ceremony.”

Eggsy winced, “Of course, sir.” then he turned and walked out.

They were all staring at Eggsy's back. Merlin shook his head, “Are you sure that's Eggsy? It looks nothin' like 'im.” Harry shook his head.

“Nonsense, he's always looked like that.”

Suddenly it's as if a light bulb went off in Simon's head.

oOo

The ceremony was being held out in the back garden, in the clearing. There were chairs set up to the right and left and a stack of buns and ice creams and cakes were beside the children and Nanny McPhee on the right side. Mrs Quickly's friend, Arthur, Eggsy, James and Percival as well as other friends were all seated on the left with a different tray of cakes and buns. Merlin was behind everyone with the wedding cake making sure none of the children touched it. As the children all took their seats Simon looked at his father, he kept sneaking glances at Eggsy and Eggsy was doing the same to his father when they weren't looking at the other. Also, his father looked like he was at his own funeral, he wasn't smiling, just standing stiffly in front of the priest with his hands clasped behind his back.

The quartet started playing 'Here Comes the Bride' He was running out of time. He looked at Nanny McPhee, “What can we do?” he whispered, “There has to be another way.” Mrs Quickly was walking past them, “Behave.” she hissed, Daisy then said “Beehive.”

“You must do as you're told, Simon.” Nanny McPhee replied

“Behave!” she hissed again.

“Beehive.” whispered Daisy.

“Lesson number five, Simon. You must do exactly as you're told.” Nanny McPhee told him.

“Beehive.” Daisy squirmed in her chair.

“Beehive?” Simon looked at her and came up with an idea, he quickly whispered his plan to Roxy who told Lili who to Eric who told Sebastian who told Chrissie. They all nodded in agreement and sat down with everyone else. He had to wait for the right time.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”

When the priest began to talk what was nonsense to Simon thought this was the best time as any, He lowered his head slightly, “Bzzzzzzz” He started flailing about in his chair, “Get off! Get off!” he stood up and the others began to join in, they all started a low buzzing and starting waving their hands about and hitting each other, “There's one on your back!” Shouted Chrissie to Eric.

The priest tried to continue but his words fell short at the end and everyone was watching the children, Simon pointed at Mrs Quickly, “It's the flowers on her dress! They're attracting them.”

Harry looked over to his children in shock, “I hate bees. I'm allergic.” hissed the priest. Mrs Quickly hissed back heatedly, “There aren't any bees you fool! They're trying to ruin my lovely wedding!” Harry wasn't listening and was looking at his children, he made eye contact with Simon and understood. They were giving him an out, a chance to call it off.

“Harry, look at me, do you see any bees? Do you?” hissed the voice beside him.

Harry winked at his children.

“I said, _look at me_! Do you see any bees?”

He turned and looked at her, “Yes.” then proceeded to whack her hat off her head at such a ferocity he knocked her over. “It's alright. I got the little bugger.”

The priest was flailing about so much he swiped the top of the cake and hit Mrs Quickly's face. All the children began giggling, “Oh Lord. I am so so so so so sorry!” Mrs Quickly responded by picking up a pie and throwing it at the priest only to hit... Arthur... She gasped. “Oh my Lord. Your highness!” She curtsied. Harry tried to hide his laughter behind his hand. One of the children grabbed a cake and threw it. It hit James square in the face, Percival began laughing so hard he was wheezing, only to have James pick up a cake and smash it into Percival's face, they both then began their thunderous laughter.

Suddenly everyone was throwing buns and cakes, well everyone except for Arthur and Eggsy. Merlin tried to protect the cake from the flying projectiles and Roxy through a scone hard enough that it hit the small figurine of Mrs Quickly off the top of it. “Righ'. I saw that!”

Harry walked over to the quartet and asked to borrow a violin, one of the musicians handed it to them and he smiled as he walked over to his eldest, “Simon, bowling practice.” Simon looked up at him in delight, he walked over to the table and grabbed the biggest chocolate cake and threw it at his father. Harry swung the violin and hit the cake.

Sending it flying into Eggsy's chest.

The young man startled for a second barely even registering what had happened. _All righ' then. If that's how you wanna play._ He stared at Harry while he stood up and walked over to a table, never breaking eye contact. He picked up a lovely pink cake and reared his hand back before launching it at Harry. The cake splattered all over his left shoulder and he gave Eggsy an unamused but slightly amused look and Eggsy bent over laughing. When he looked up he saw Harry running at him with another cake, “No, no, no, no, no!” he tried to dodge out of the way but Harry caught him by the waist and while pulling Eggsy against his chest he shoved the cake into the young man's laughing face. “Ewwww I 'ate orange!” He spat the cake onto the ground again as Harry laughed so much tears were coming out of his eyes.

Arthur shouted at Eggsy, “Gary! Where are your manners?!” Eggsy sighed while picking up a smaller cake and launching it again at Harry, “Sod me bloody manners! This is the most fun I've 'ad in weeks!” he shouted back.

Everyone stopped when a shrill voice broke the air, “That's it! You dreadful, awful, monstrous creatures!” Mrs Quickly was shouting at Chrissie and Sebastian and grabbed them both, Harry and Eggsy ran over, Harry grabbed his two children before Mrs Quickly had a proper hold, “Take your hands off my children!” He shouted at her. He pushed the two kids behind him and they ran over to a now crouching, Eggsy's open arms, “Are you okay?” he whispered to them, they nodded but he held them close anyway.

“Harry!” She shouted, “It's over! I will not stand another minute being around those vicious monsters you call children, I don't care how much money the old man has!” She picked up her dress and shouted at her friend to follow her.

“A very nice choice for a wife, I must say, Harry!” Arthur snorted, Harry had all about had enough but he tried to keep his composure, “Well I am truly sorry Uncle Arthur but you gave me no time to find anyone else.” Arthur walked towards them with a sneer on his face, “As for your children, I think a lengthy time in a corrective institution is _long_ overdue.” The children gasped. “And you, Gary! I can see you are as wild as the rest of them!”

Eggsy had just about enough of this, he stood up from his position and took a step forward, “And I am proud to be! I love all of these children Lord King, which is much more than you do!” he yelled. “Insolent child! I'd leave you here to rot with the rest of them but I gave my word that I would raise you and I never, _ever_ break my word. Now come with me, immediately!” Eggsy sighed and knew there was enough trouble here without him adding to it, he willed his legs to move and told his heart to shut up as he let go of the children's hands as he left.

Eggsy had just rounded the corner when he heard shouting so he stilled. “Wait! Uncle Arthur! Wait!” _Simon?_ He thought. “You agreed, you gave your word to our father that if he remarried this month you'd continue supporting us.” He can see Arthur nod, “I did.” He can hear Simon scuffling his shoes, “So, if he marries today, you'll have to keep your word.”

_Sorry Simon, ye what?!_ Eggsy almost fainted. He wasn't going to make his father go through with it would he?!

“Young man you are wasting my time!” Arthur scoffed and almost rounded the corner, “No! No, I'm not. He will marry today.” He heard the confusion pass through the other guests. Arthur looks flustered, “Well... who?” He hears someone else run forward and through the bushes he sees Lili. “He'll marry Eggsy!”

_WHAT?!_

Yep, Eggsy did faint earlier and now he's dreaming, so he quickly pinched himself and realised he's not. His feet were moving before he realised as he slowly walked back around the corner, Arthur tutted, “What on earth is an 'Eggy'?” Eggsy sighed and stepped forward, “It's 'Egg **s** y' it's my name.” Arthur looked to and fro Eggsy and the others. “Incest?!” Roxy ran forward, “No! Uncle Arthur it's not! Eggsy isn't our brother!” She shouted.

“Not your brother?” He felt Arthur's eyes glaring at him but he refused to look at anything but Harry.

“Of course he's not our brother.” she cried.

“Well, who is he then?!” Arthur motioned to him with his hand.

Eggsy still didn't take his eyes off Harry and neither did Harry take his eyes off Eggsy. “I'm his...servant.”

Arthur looked like he was about to have a heart attack. “What?”

The others ignored him, Lili turned her attention to him, “Eggsy, do you love papa?”

Eggsy's eyes widened, “Of course not, I know my place. It's improper, it's... I mean...Yes.”

He couldn't believe this... he was confessing his love... covered in cake. This isn't in the books.

Lili turned back to Harry, “Papa, do you love Eggsy?”

Harry stuttered for a moment, “What? Of course not, that would be totally improper, a thing like that could... could never happen... I mean...obviously...Yes.” Harry's eyes were engulfing his own, _Harry Hart just said he loved me._

“He's marrying a servant?!” Arthur whimpered before fainting.

**Bang**

Suddenly... in the blink of an eye, Eggsy didn't feel sticky any more. He looked down to find himself clean, and when he looked back up it was if he entered another world. It had started snowing, the children were all now wearing white, Harry was now in a striking black suit and the red tie he and Merlin bought him. Eggsy almost choked. He stood there just watching Harry smiling, the priest took him away from Eggsy's gaze and he looked down to see Eric was running up to him. “Eggsy! For the record, whatever I said about stepmothers, the whole evil breed thing... it most certainly doesn't apply to you.” He gave Eggsy a quick hug and ran away again.

Nanny McPhee was beside him in a second and he almost had a second heart attack. She just smiled at him and lead him around the corner, “This way.”

They walked down past the bushed and trees together. “Oh Nanny McPhee. I'm almos' wettin' meself here!” Nanny McPhee smiled, “Deep breaths, Eggsy.” Eggsy breathed in and out deeply, “But... I've never even called him by his first name before...” Nanny McPhee didn't waver, “There will be plenty of time for that.”

Eggsy looked down at himself, “I don't really look like a bride, or a groom for tha' matter.” Nanny McPhee held out her hand, “You will.”

As they walked around the corner together, hand in hand, the snow began to circle around them, “What the?” The snow began to cling to Eggsy's suit... but it didn't feel cold, he suddenly felt soft curls touch the top of his forehead, he ran his fingers through his hair to find it fluffy and with no product. When he looked down the snow was gone and he was in a white shirt and charcoal grey trousers and boots.

He felt more like himself now, he felt like he could breathe.

Nanny McPhee squeezed his hand, “How's the reading coming along?” Eggsy smiled, “Much better, but I still haven' reached the end of tha' story.” Nanny McPhee smiled, “No need to, you are the end of the story.”

They began walking up the snow covered isle together and Eggsy couldn't take his eyes off Harry. Harry was smiling brightly at him, _God._

Nanny McPhee bowed her head as she left Eggsy beside Harry. They both smiled brightly at each other, and then Harry reached out and softly took Eggsy's hand in his. They both turned to look at the children who were smiling just as brightly as they were.

When the priest asked about the rings they didn't know what to do, Harry suddenly felt a weight in his breast pocket so he reached into his jacket and took out a gold band, Eggsy looked confused so Harry leaned in, “Check your pockets, darling.” Eggsy put his left hand into his pocket and also found a gold band inside, they smiled as they placed the rings on each others fingers.

“You may now kiss the groom.”

Harry laughed and swept Eggsy into his arms and bowed his head, Eggsy went up on his toes and met his lips halfway and _oh my god_ they were everything Eggsy had dreamed about, soft, warm, inviting. This kiss felt like home.

They broke the kiss and the children came rushing over and hugged them both, Eggsy took Daisy into his arms and kissed her on the cheek, she then shook her rattle in his face and gurgled happily.

Harry touched his cheek gently, “I love you, Eggsy.”

“I love you too... Harry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it...  
> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with me through this!  
> I hope you all liked reading it as much as I loved writing it!  
> I love you guys!


End file.
